HAVING A SAFER SEX

HAVING A SAFER SEX

To us Safer sex means sexual contact that:

shows respectis pleasurable is freely consented to by both partnersreduces the risk of passing on any infectionsreduces the risk of an unwanted pregnancyis safe emotionally.

Sex is never an obligation – each partner has the right to say no. If a partner asks you to stop you must respect this and stop. Many young people know that if they are considering having sex, it’s really important to make sure it is safer sex. It isn’t always easy, and it can be embarrassing, but talking about safer sex is a sign of respect.

The law:
In Kenya, if you are 18 or over, you can have sex with another person:

as long as that person is also 18 or over, andhe or she agrees to have sex with you.

The law is the same for heterosexual sex (ie. sex between two people of the opposite sex).

It is not an offence to have sex with someone who is under 18 if you are legally married to that person. But even in marriage you cannot force or pressure your partner in any way to have sex with you. If you do, that is called Rapeand your partner has every right to report you to the Police.If you are under 18, it is against the law for a person in a position of ‘care and authority’ (for example, a teacher) to have sex, or to try to have sex with you.

What is safer sex?
Safer sex means sexual contact that does not involve any blood, semen or vaginal fluids being passed between partners. We say safer sex rather than safe sex because sex can’t be guaranteed 100% safe. The best way to have safe sex is to be in a relationship where neither of you has sex outside that relationship and where you are both free of any sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and you use contraception if you do not want to become pregnant. Some people say the only form of safe sex is to abstain totally (not have sex at all) but most people would see this as being unrealistic.

Even when using condoms for protection, some STIs such as genital warts and genital herpes can be passed on because the condom does not always cover the affected area.

Being ready for sex
Young people can feel a lot of pressure to have sex. Friends may tell you they’re all doing it (sometimes even if they’re not). You see it on the TV and in the movies. You might also feel pressured by a particular person. Or you might feel that it’s expected of you from a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Practising safer sex means looking after yourself emotionally. This means that you choose when to have sex and when not to, who with and how you have sex. There is more about this in the topic ‘Are you ready for sex?’

Some safer sexual activities (no exchange of body fluids)

Massage, hugging, touchingMasturbationSocial kissing (kissing with closed mouth)Rubbing against each otherFantasy (just thinking about sex)Kissing the body (clean skin, not sexual areas or open sores)Saying no to anything you don’t feel comfortable about

It is often assumed that these kinds of activities are only a lead-up to sexual intercourse. Many people find that these safer forms of sexual activity are more than enough to express their emotions and their love for each other.

Some probably safer sexual activities (there is not likely to be an exchange of body fluids)

French kissing (open mouth, as long as there are no sores and as long as the kiss isn’t so hard it draws blood)Sex with a condom. There is more about this in the topicusing condoms

 Some definitely not safe sexual activities

Anything that allows blood contactSex without a condom (unless you are in a relationship where you can be sure that your partner does not have an STI, and you are using some form of contraception if you do not want to become pregnant)Using condoms that have been used before, or continuing to use one after it has broken.Getting body fluids, eg. semen, menstrual blood or urine, inside the body of the other person, eg. vagina, anus or on open cuts.

If safer sex does not happen
Sometimes, despite your best intentions, safer sex does not happen every time. Some people may be less careful if they’ve been drinking, and others may forget in the heat of the moment. Don’t give up on safer sex because of a slip-up. Keep practising safer sex. You may not have been infected when you had unprotected sex, but going on having unprotected sex makes it more likely that you will become infected.

If you have unprotected sex, get tested for sexually transmitted infections such as Chlamydia. Chlamydia for example is common, easy to treat and can cause serious problems if not treated. Have STI testing regularly.

Negotiating safer sex
Starting a conversation with a partner (or potential partner) about safer sex can be tough.

It is often difficult to be assertive when negotiating safer sexYou could worry about your partner’s reactionYou might worry about not knowing how to use a condomMany cultures don’t speak openly about sex and this can make it difficult because you’re just not used to talking about itMen and women are often brought up differently. Men may have been taught to be more dominant and women taught to be more passive – this can sometimes make it hard for women to take the lead.

None of these reasons mean that you should take a chance with unsafe sex
When you bring the subject up, it’s pretty likely you’ll find that the other person has been wanting to bring the subject up too and feels just as unsure and awkward about it. It shows that you respect yourself and it shows that you respect your partner when you ask about safer sex.

The way you start the conversation will depend on the person and how well you know that person. One young woman tells us that when she is with a man she’s interested in,  she’s very direct. As they’re chatting she asks, “So, do you use condoms?” You could try saying, “This is pretty embarrassing, but I wonder if you are into safer sex?” It is preferable to have a conversation like this before you get to the stage of intimacy.

You may find it easy to be direct or may want to start broadly eg. “What do you think about condom use?” or “I saw a display at a health centre on safer sex today. What do you think about safer sex?” This way, you will at least get some idea of the other’s approach to safer sex. Perhaps you could ask friends for their favourite lines.

If the person doesn’t like the idea of using a condom, you have choices. You could:

ask why and be persuasive about the benefitspractice other methods of safer sex that don’t involve the exchange of any body fluidsdecide to walk away and not take that risk. Remember, you deserve protection from unwanted pregnancy or an infection.

Common excuses for not practicing safer sex
Here are some of the common excuses for not using condoms that we’ve heard:

“It destroys the romance and spontaneity”

Ways to get around this are to keep condoms close at hand, like in a handbag; strategic places around the house, or a bedside table. This way you don’t have to stop and search for it. (Don’t keep a condom in a warm place such as a wallet or car for too long or it will get damaged.)You can make putting a condom on a part of your lovemaking.Make it fun by using different types of condoms and lubricant.

“Hey, I’m not dirty – I’m clean”

Catching an STI doesn’t mean a person is dirty, it simply means the person has come into contact with someone else who had an STI. They may have no symptoms or visible signs of the infection.

“I hardly ever have sex”

It only takes one contact with a person with an STI to be at risk of catching it – a person can have an STI for a long time without realising, and still pass it on because it won’t go away on its own.

“I’m not gay. I’m not an injecting drug user”

Some people still have the mistaken idea that only gay men and injecting drug users get HIV/AIDS – anyone can get HIV/AIDSCondoms reduce the risk of getting HIV/AIDS and many other STIs.

“Don’t you trust me?”

Certainly you may trust your partner, but can you trust his or her previous partner(s) and their previous partners?Taking an STI test together can be a very positive experience.

“I thought we loved each other”

If a person pressures you this way, and is willing to take these risks with your health, perhaps it’s time to rethink what you really want from a lover.

“But I’m already using contraception”

Condoms are not only for protection from pregnancy, but also provide some protection from STIs.

“It’s not as good with a condom”

So maybe sex with a condom on doesn’t feel exactly like sex without one – but people very soon get used to it and enjoy sex just as much.And because you’re both safer physically, you feel better and more relaxed emotionally.

When faced with comments like these, it can be really hard to remain assertive about what you want, even though it is your own safety and perhaps even your own life that is being risked. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings and thoughts, eg. to “I thought you loved me” you could say, “I do love you and I show you I love you in other ways. Risking our good health doesn’t prove our love but keeping each other safe is a way of showing true love.

Persuasion lines to have safer sex
Here are some persuasion lines to have safer sex that we’ve heard:

Let’s stay safe togetherI know you don’t think it’ll feel as good, but let’s give it a go and seeCome on, it can be funI’ll put it on for youI’ll last longerI don’t want you to fall pregnantI feel embarrassed talking about it too… but it’ll be worth itIt’s really important to meDarling, are you ready to be a daddy/mummy?Look, condoms in all the colours of the rainbow… choose oneNo sex without it babeHow do you know I don’t have…(an STI such as Chlamydia)

Remember ‘it’s not on if it’s not on!’

HOW TO KNOW YOUR SAFE & UNSAFE PERIODS

GIRLS ONLY!
How to know your "Safe Period" & "Fertile Period/
Unsafe Period"
...
There are many of you ladies that do not know this
and sometimes you get confused too.
...
To avoid stories that touch, I will be sharing tips by
which
you can know when you are safe and when you are
unsafe.
...
Here it goes...
If you follow this steps, you will get pregnant
only when you want to.
1. From the first day you see the blood of
your period.
2. Pick up a calendar and count 15days
including the first day of the blood stain.
3. Mark the 15th day with a pen
4. Mark 3 days before the 15th day
5. Mark 3 days after the 15th day
6. You will notice you have 7 days marked.
These 7 days are your ovulation/fertile days also
known as unsafe period.
Meaning if you have sex on any of these days then you
have 98% chances of being pregnant.
7.Do these every month and try and abide
by these rules
...
EVERY OTHER DAY IS YOUR SAFE PERIOD
For example.
1. If your period was on the 8th of June, 2015.
2. 15 days after the first day of the blood
stain will be on the 22nd of June, 2015.
3. 15th day is on the 22nd.
4. 3days before the 15th day which is 22nd is 19th
June, 2015.
5. 3days after is 25th June, 2015.
6. 19th - 25th June is when you are
ovulating and it's your fertile period.
If you have sex without condoms, you will get
pregnant.
Now, if you want to have a baby girl, have sex between
20th June, 2015 - 21st June 2015.
And a baby boy will be 22nd - 23rd June 2015.
Hope this helps..
...
If you have other ways you have been calculating
yours,
and it has been working for you well. Pls do share with
us here.
...
NOTE:THIS CAN ONLY WORK ON LADIES WITH REGULAR MPs

FOR HOW LONG WILL I REMAIN A VIRGIN? ?

FOR HOW LONG WILL I REMAIN A VIRGIN?

Oduor decides to speak to me about his sexual life.
When i first had my wet dream,i chose to let sex be nothing but a dream…i truly made a decision to abstain till marriage,in doing so i did not only want to abide by the scripture but i also knew i was not a man enough to bring up a child, I wanted to keep my treasure for my future bride just like i would want her to keep it for me and lastly i wanted to live life positively not positive…

Am still a virgin but i have to admit the going is getting tough day by day…

Staying chaste is my wish but i keep asking myself for how long??… For how long am i supposed to remain a virgin when am in a world that portrays a man who has laid many women as a hero… For how long am i supposed to remain a virgin in a world full of women walking semi nude provocatively in the name of fashion… For how am i supposed to remain a virgin when erotic music videos are constantly aired in the name of entertainment… For how long am i supposed to remain a virgin when all movies are turning pornographic just to sell… For how long am i supposed to remain when educative novels are termed boring but romantic novels sweet… For how long am i supposed to remain a virgin when steps taken by concerned organisations to curb increased sex rate seem to mean the opposite e.g introducing condoms in schools… For how long am i supposed to remain a virgin when virginity is no longer dignity but lack of an opportunity… For how long am i supposed to remain a virgin when YOLO is the motto,
A five minutes pleasure i better than a life time…help me out mate,am i bitting more than i can chew by being a virgin??

THE WORD "YOLO" IS REALLY WASTING OUR YOUTHS

THE WORD “YOLO” IS REALLY WASTING OUR YOUTHS.

You Only Live Once(YOLO)….the one who first interprated YOLO might have got it all wrong and since we learnt from a miss led teacher we were all misled…
sincerely give it a second thought,it must have meant YOU LOST(YOLO) which in Swahili means umepotoka
how comes YOLO is only associated with alcohol drinkng with the thought of postponing stress…having sex because you may pass without tasting the sweetest fruit….smookin weed only to hallucinate,will bhang ever get you high or mentally dry??…
You spend all your savings since tomorrow is not promised…Indeed it isn’t, tomorrow’s tribulations may be more than todays while you’ll have nothing…Didn’t you spend it all yesterday??….
You chew khat and smoke ciggaratte just to pass time…well,time has never stopped and will never,you just flogging a dead horse…
You dance in the nights  in the name of clubbing only to have a sluggish day tomorrow which might cost you your source of income plus shit,shit and shit…
Am saying shit cause nothing good ever comes from YOLO. Are we now on the same page??. Its deeds potray mental mutiny,moral decardence,life with no purpose and a prodigal being…
As for YOLOarians you still got a chance to live even if you were dead wrong..YOLO no more

Mmmmmmmmmmmm

A MESSAGE TO ALL THE LADIES

A MESSAGE TO THE ALL THE LADIES IN KENYA

Ladies Choices do really have consequences so as you make your bed please lay on it…
Why do you let him in unprotected when you clearly know that you are the one to carry the pregnancy,bring up the child,take a school break,experience emotions and stress,lose societal respect and excetra…
As for the man the moment you are done he is done indeed,he lives on like nothing ever happend…imagine if you had asked him to use a condom you wouldn’t be experiencing all this.
Ladies when it comes to matters of sex you need to think twice. You need to use your head and be wise. Dont be blinded  by love at that moment. You should also have a say during sex. Its your body for Christ sake.
It is ironic that girls endure pain in the name of love..isn’t love supposed to be caring and understanding??…
If he is not caring and understanding,  girl then the lad doesn’t love you… Please let him go before he ruins your life and future.

LIVING RIGHT IS THE BEST PRACTICE MY FELLOW YOUTHS

LIVING RIGHT IS THE BEST PRACTICE MY FELLOW YOUTHS

There is more to life than just living…do you want to be forgoten immediately after the funeral or do you want to live on like Martin Luther King Jr??..the latter does it for me,so as i live i mind my life after death by living right… When i say living right I MEAN I ALWAYS USE A CONDOM TO PROTECT MY FUTURE AND LIFE FROM DISEASES.

I know it’s hard to reach Martin Luther King Junior’s status but by living right i avoid untold suffering and pain brought about by HIV/AIDS and STDS, I avoid ruining my future and my partner’s future, i avoid loosing respect in the society, i avoid regrets and hell fire too,

so it’s a win win situation anyway…when a child is born it’s a blessing to the world from God,blessings as we all know are meant to be a source of joy…so be a source of joy to the world by making a difference. Condomise and don’t compromise.

you are actually great from conception,you won against millions of sperms so as you live bring out the greatness in you by using a condom to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS ,unwanted teenage pregnancies and other STDs

Don't drown in A pool of Life Without Life Savor

NO ONE SHOULD DIE YOUNG

Many of the young men prefer to use the withdrawal method during sex.

The main reasons they gave me for using this method are that they  cannot  afford  to buy condoms on a daily basis. It is expensive for them. They also sighted that there are no youth friendly hospitals in the area that offer free distribution of condoms. Others said they are afraid to buy condoms since the community would judge them harshly. Lastly some were on the opinion that raw sex was extremely sweeter to them.

These young men don’t even know  the risk of using the withdrawal method. They are not aware that withdrawal method only prevents unwanted pregnancies but doesn’t prevent STIs and HIV/AIDS

Majority of the young men said they had unprotected sex without knowing their partners’ HIV status. This is very  very alarming to me. These same young men don’t even know their HIV status.

Clearly these young men from seme need alot of help. I call upon the county governmen, Ministry of health, Members parliament,Senators, Members of county Assembly,Friends  and other NGOs to work together and address this issue.

I believe life is precious and no one should die young because of HIV/AIDS

THREE TENSES OF LIFE

A lot of people seem to follow the same old motto about living today and not thinking about tomorrow. I myself cannot seem to completely agree with this idea, as sometimes it means doing silly things and not caring about the consequences. To me it looks rather unreasonable.

With this post, I just want to share my main principle of living. Keep in mind, it is my personal perspective and I am by no means trying to tell that it is the best or the right way to live your life!

I live by the idea of “three tenses” or to sound more poetically: “Don’t forget your past;  live in the present; plan for the future”. Now, let’s divide this “motto” into three separate parts and go into more details
PAST.
I believe that we should never forget our past, because it makes us who we are and it surrounds us all the time. It is enough just to look around your room/living space and you have a proof immediately. Because of your activities in the past you are here, you have your friends, you are in a relationship, have a spouse, children. Every single corner of your room is made of your past: old photos, books, souvenirs, clothes, music, even you, your memories are always living in the past, remembering all the good and bad times. Everything in our lives is made of past, that’s why you should never forget it.
PRESENT.
No matter what, you should live in this moment, step by step, a bit spontaneously. What’s important is that there is a major difference between being spontaneous and being stupid. Living an interesting life, taking a risk form time to time, starting new activity is great, it makes you feel alive. However, you should never ever go overboard and not think about consequences which might be quite severe and impact your future too drastically. Thus, be crazy, but smart.
FUTURE.
As I mentioned before, you present activities impact your future, thus you should always think about it and plan ahead. Sometimes it might not seem like it, but planning is really easy when you are doing it one step or one action at a time. It is all about your choices, whether you want to pass that exam tomorrow and feel a long-term satisfaction or feel joy only for a few hours by going out with friends and getting drunk, but then failing the next day. I myself would choose the first option, not only because to me education is truly important, but also because I care about my future. Plan, as you are going to live in the future which predominately depends on today’s  choices.

Feel free to share you ways of living. Do you follow any mottoes or tips about life? Do you always plan ahead or  just go with the flow?

50 COMMON INTERVIEW Q&A

50 COMMON INTERVIEW Q&A
1. Tell me about yourself:
The most often asked question in interviews.
You need to have a short
statement prepared in your mind. Be careful
that it does not sound
rehearsed. Limit it to work-related items
unless instructed otherwise.
Talk about things you have done and jobs you
have held that relate to
the position you are interviewing for. Start
with the item farthest
back and work up to the present.
2. Why did you leave your last job?
Stay positive regardless of the circumstances.
Never refer to a major
problem with management and never speak ill
of supervisors, co-workers
or the organization. If you do, you will be the
one looking bad. Keep
smiling and talk about leaving for a positive
reason such as an
opportunity, a chance to do something special
or other forward-looking
reasons.
3. What experience do you have in this field?
Speak about specifics that relate to the
position you are applying for.
If you do not have specific experience, get as
close as you can.
4. Do you consider yourself successful?
You should always answer yes and briefly
explain why. A good
explanation is that you have set goals, and
you have met some and are
on track to achieve the others.
5. What do co-workers say about you?
Be prepared with a quote or two from co-
workers. Either a specific
statement or a paraphrase will work. Jill
Clark, a co-worker at Smith
Company, always said I was the hardest
workers she had ever known. It
is as powerful as Jill having said it at the
interview herself.
6. What do you know about this organization?
This question is one reason to do some
research on the organization
before the interview. Find out where they have
been and where they are
going. What are the current issues and who
are the major players?
7. What have you done to improve your
knowledge in the last year?
Try to include improvement activities that
relate to the job. A wide
variety of activities can be mentioned as
positive self-improvement.
Have some good ones handy to mention.
8. Are you applying for other jobs?
Be honest but do not spend a lot of time in
this area. Keep the focus
on this job and what you can do for this
organization. Anything else is
a distraction.
9. Why do you want to work for this
organization?
This may take some thought and certainly,
should be based on the
research you have done on the organization.
Sincerity is extremely
important here and will easily be sensed.
Relate it to your long-term
career goals.
10. Do you know anyone who works for us?
Be aware of the policy on relatives working for
the organization. This
can affect your answer even though they asked
about friends not
relatives. Be careful to mention a friend only if
they are well thought
of.
11. What kind of salary do you need?
A loaded question. A nasty little game that
you will probably lose if
you answer first. So, do not answer it. Instead,
say something like,
That’s a tough question. Can you tell me the
range for this position?
In most cases, the interviewer, taken off guard,
will tell you. If not,
say that it can depend on the details of the
job. Then give a wide
range.
12. Are you a team player?
You are, of course, a team player. Be sure to
have examples ready.
Specifics that show you often perform for the
good of the team rather
than for yourself are good evidence of your
team attitude. Do not brag,
just say it in a matter-of-fact tone. This is a
key point.
13. How long would you expect to work for us
if hired?
Specifics here are not good. Something like
this should work: I’d like
it to be a long time. Or As long as we both
feel I’m doing a good job.
14. Have you ever had to fire anyone? How
did you feel about that?
This is serious. Do not make light of it or in
any way seem like you
like to fire people. At the same time, you will
do it when it is the
right thing to do. When it comes to the
organization versus the
individual who has created a harmful
situation, you will protect the
organization. Remember firing is not the same
as layoff or reduction in
force.
15. What is your philosophy towards work?
The interviewer is not looking for a long or
flowery dissertation here.
Do you have strong feelings that the job gets
done? Yes. That’s the
type of answer that works best here. Short and
positive, showing a
benefit to the organization.
16. If you had enough money to retire right
now, would you?
Answer yes if you would. But since you need
to work, this is the type
of work you prefer. Do not say yes if you do
not mean it.
17. Have you ever been asked to leave a
position?
If you have not, say no. If you have, be honest,
brief and avoid saying
negative things about the people or
organization involved.
18. Explain how you would be an asset to this
organization
You should be anxious for this question. It
gives you a chance to
highlight your best points as they relate to the
position being
discussed. Give a little advance thought to
this relationship.
19. Why should we hire you?
Point out how your assets meet what the
organization needs. Do not
mention any other candidates to make a
comparison.
20. Tell me about a suggestion you have
made
Have a good one ready. Be sure and use a
suggestion that was accepted
and was then considered successful. One
related to the type of work
applied for is a real plus.
21. What irritates you about co-workers?
This is a trap question. Think real hard but
fail to come up with
anything that irritates you. A short statement
that you seem to get
along with folks is great.
22. What is your greatest strength?
Numerous answers are good, just stay
positive. A few good examples:
Your ability to prioritize, Your problem-solving
skills, Your ability
to work under pressure, Your ability to focus
on projects, Your
professional expertise, Your leadership skills,
Your positive attitude
23. Tell me about your dream job.
Stay away from a specific job. You cannot
win. If you say the job you
are contending for is it, you strain credibility.
If you say another
job is it, you plant the suspicion that you will
be dissatisfied with
this position if hired. The best is to stay
genetic and say something
like: A job where I love the work, like the
people, can contribute and
can’t wait to get to work.
24. Why do you think you would do well at
this job?
Give several reasons and include skills,
experience and interest.
25. What are you looking for in a job?
See answer # 23
26. What kind of person would you refuse to
work with?
Do not be trivial. It would take disloyalty to
the organization,
violence or lawbreaking to get you to object.
Minor objections will
label you as a whiner.
27. What is more important to you: the money
or the work?
Money is always important, but the work is
the most important. There is
no better answer.
28. What would your previous supervisor say
your strongest point is?
There are numerous good possibilities:
Loyalty, Energy, Positive attitude, Leadership,
Team player, Expertise,
Initiative, Patience, Hard work, Creativity,
Problem solver
29. Tell me about a problem you had with a
supervisor
Biggest trap of all. This is a test to see if you
will speak ill of
your boss. If you fall for it and tell about a
problem with a former
boss, you may well below the interview right
there. Stay positive and
develop a poor memory about any trouble with
a supervisor.
30. What has disappointed you about a job?
Don’t get trivial or negative. Safe areas are
few but can include:
Not enough of a challenge. You were laid off
in a reduction Company did
not win a contract, which would have given
you more responsibility.
31. Tell me about your ability to work under
pressure.
You may say that you thrive under certain
types of pressure. Give an
example that relates to the type of position
applied for.
32. Do your skills match this job or another
job more closely?
Probably this one. Do not give fuel to the
suspicion that you may want
another job more than this one.
33. What motivates you to do your best on the
job?
This is a personal trait that only you can say,
but good examples are:
Challenge, Achievement, Recognition
34. Are you willing to work overtime? Nights?
Weekends?
This is up to you. Be totally honest.
35. How would you know you were successful
on this job?
Several ways are good measures:
You set high standards for yourself and meet
them. Your outcomes are a
success.Your boss tell you that you are
successful
36. Would you be willing to relocate if
required?
You should be clear on this with your family
prior to the interview if
you think there is a chance it may come up.
Do not say yes just to get
the job if the real answer is no. This can
create a lot of problems
later on in your career. Be honest at this point
and save yourself
future grief.
37. Are you willing to put the interests of the
organization ahead ofyour own?
This is a straight loyalty and dedication
question. Do not worry about
the deep ethical and philosophical
implications. Just say yes.
38. Describe your management style.
Try to avoid labels. Some of the more common
labels, like progressive,
salesman or consensus, can have several
meanings or descriptions
depending on which management expert you
listen to. The situational
style is safe, because it says you will manage
according to the
situation, instead of one size fits all.
39. What have you learned from mistakes on
the job?
Here you have to come up with something or
you strain credibility. Make
it small, well intentioned mistake with a
positive lesson learned. An
example would be working too far ahead of
colleagues on a project and
thus throwing coordination off.
40. Do you have any blind spots?
Trick question. If you know about blind spots,
they are no longer blind
spots. Do not reveal any personal areas of
concern here. Let them do
their own discovery on your bad points. Do
not hand it to them.
41. If you were hiring a person for this job,
what would you look for?
Be careful to mention traits that are needed
and that you have.
42. Do you think you are overqualified for this
position?
Regardless of your qualifications, state that
you are very well
qualified for the position.
43. How do you propose to compensate for
your lack of experience?
First, if you have experience that the
interviewer does not know about,
bring that up: Then, point out (if true) that
you are a hard working
quick learner.
44. What qualities do you look for in a boss?
Be generic and positive. Safe qualities are
knowledgeable, a sense of
humor, fair, loyal to subordinates and holder
of high standards. All
bosses think they have these traits.
45. Tell me about a time when you helped
resolve a dispute between others.
Pick a specific incident. Concentrate on your
problem solving technique
and not the dispute you settled.
46. What position do you prefer on a team
working on a project?
Be honest. If you are comfortable in different
roles, point that out.
47. Describe your work ethic.
Emphasize benefits to the organization.
Things like, determination to
get the job done and work hard but enjoy your
work are good.
48. What has been your biggest professional
disappointment?
Be sure that you refer to something that was
beyond your control. Show
acceptance and no negative feelings.
49. Tell me about the most fun you have had
on the job.
Talk about having fun by accomplishing
something for the organization.
50. Do you have any questions for me?
Always have some questions prepared.
Questions prepared where you will be an asset
to the organization are good. How soon will I
be able to be productive? and What type of
projects will I be able to assist on? are
examples.

HOW TO PREPARE FOR INTERVIEW

How do I prepare for a job interview?
Fail to plan, plan to fail. You are certain to be
asked specific questions about your potential
employer, so make sure you’ve done your
homework on things like their last year’s
profits and latest product launches. Nothing is
as disappointing as when a candidate oozes
enthusiasm and then doesn’t even know the
most basic facts and figures about a
company.
Here are a few places you can find some
useful information:
An online search
The company’s website is the best place to
start. It shows the company as it would like to
be seen and the products and services they
offer. You’ll get a feel for the corporate style,
culture and tone of voice. Check out the
annual report and look for a press or company
news page.
As you filter all this information, consider how
the role you’re applying for relates to the
company’s mission. You may also be able to
use the site’s search facility to discover more
about the person or people who will be
interviewing you.
You should spend some time looking online
for any other information you can find about
the company. Put their name into Google
News to see if they’ve had any recent
interesting stories written about them. You
could also discover some information written
by their current employees on what it’s like to
work there.
It’s also worth searching for your own name
to see what crops up – your potential
employer may be doing the same thing.
Industry sources
It’s not just information about the company
you need – you should also have a good
background knowledge of the industry so you
can impress at the interview. Browse through
business publications and websites to see
what they are writing about your potential
employer and their industry. Have a look on
the newsstands at the big magazine retailers
– there’s an amazing list of publications out
there.
You may find back issues of trade publications
at university or public libraries, or you might
be able to access them online. Some journals
are even available for free or by subscription
through their own websites.
If you’re already in the same industry as your
potential employer, it may be possible to
discreetly ask colleagues or your suppliers if
they know anything about the company you’re
interested in.
Preparing yourself
This is the bit most people forget to give
enough time to, so don’t get caught out. Just
like when you’re going into an exam, feel
confident that you can field any question they
throw at you, and try to feel as good about
yourself as you can. It shines through.
Here are a few top tips:
Have a mock interview with a friend based on
the common interview questions you’re likely
to face.
Be sure you know the time, date and location
of the interview and the name of interviewers.
Decide how you will get there and when you
need to set off to arrive in good time,
anticipating any delays. Do a dummy run if
necessary.
If you look good, you tend to feel good too.
Avoid any last minute panic by preparing what
you’re going to wear the night before.
Don’t go into the interview with lots of
baggage – psychological or physical. Take the
bare minimum with you so you can
concentrate on the interview, and nothing else.
If you are asked to bring certificates,
references, etc, get them ready well in advance
to avoid having to chase around on the
morning of the big day.
It may sound patronising, but make sure you
use the toilet before you go in – you don’t
want to be bursting to go when you’re mid-
interview.
Be methodical
Sit down with your CV and make notes, just as
if you were preparing for an exam. Study your
work record and what you have achieved. How
do you see yourself? What have you done?
What ambitions do you have? Make notes and
prepare and rehearse sound bites about
yourself. Do this out loud, even if it makes you
feel weird.
Try to relate specific areas of your CV back to
the job description. It will make it clear to the
interviewer why they should hire you.
Remember, one of the most common interview
questions is “Tell me about yourself.” Prepare
a balanced and succinct answer to this
question, not a life history. Keep it
businesslike and don’t stray into personal
feelings or family relationships. Avoid
anything to do with politics or religion like the
plague. Interviewers use this question to learn
about your personal qualities, not your
achievements – they should already have
those from your CV.

COMPLICATIONS OF FEMALE GENITAL CUTTING

COMPLICATIONS OF FEMALE GENITAL CUTTING
There are many possible complications of female
genital cutting; the ones that are commonly
encountered can be classified into two broad groups;
early and late
Early Complications
Haemorrhage
Among the early complications , bleeding and
infection can be particularly dangerous
As was shown in the photograph, the cutting is done
without preparations to control or arrest bleeding .
Compared with adults, children do not have the
amount of blood reserve that adults and pregnant
women commonly have in situations of bleeding from
wounds. Under the conditions of bleeding from open
wounds created during cutting of the clitoris, prepuce
and labia minora, the child may go into hemorrhagic
shock and die from there. If she survives that period,
damage to certain organs of reproduction as a result
of the blood loss will manifest later by way of primary
infertility , starting with menstrual problems. This is
further complicated by the fact that unlike what is
done in Hospitals, no laboratory tests are done to
know the level of haemoglobin(Hb) and to know if the
child has an underlying bleeding disorder.
Infections
As concerns infections, the real danger is Tetanus, but
apart from that, using locally made cutting
instruments that are not sterilized places the child at
the risk of contracting Hepatitis B and the dreaded
HIV/AIDS. Despite the much talked about ATS
(antitetanus serum), only few cases of established
tetanus infection survive, and of course, Hepatitis B
and HIV/AIDS both have no cure; they can only be
treated.
The clitoris is so intimately related to the urinary
tract opening that infection (ascending) of the
urinary tract is almost always associated with female
genital cutting. The blind nature of the operation and
the poor conditions of hygiene under which it is done
increases the likelihood of urinary tract infection,
pyelonephritis, nephritis , kidney damage and failure
When death occurs either from infections or
haemorrhage, the truth is hidden, and the victim
buried secretly to conceal primary cause of death
Late Complications
Chronic pain
Among the late complications, chronic pain is one
common feature. Affected women often find it
difficult to describe the pain or where it is coming
from. However, many of them complain of pain during
sex(dyspareunia) even with husbands who according to
them are endowed with phallic organs below average in
size. Other women complain of pain during sexual
excitation, during sex and even after
Abnormal sensation
Other complaints include the following;
Sensation of something being present inside the vagina
Sensation of the womb coming down or trying to fall
out
Excessive reaction to pain, and crying about pain even,
when there is obviously no source of pain
Inability to hold urine(urinary incontinence) during
sex; the bed is flooded with urine during sex or every
five or so many minutes, wife interrupts the coitus to
go and void
Abnormal sensation of sweet tingly, prickly or pins and
needles pain
Inability to achieve orgasm in addition to a situation
of sexual arousal that refuses to ebb or go down even
days after sex, creating tension and the restless pubis
syndrome.
Several medical terms including vaginismus, par
aesthesia dyspareunia, hyperalgesia, allodynia, etc
have been used to describe these abnormal sensations
,which can be understood from the fact that the
clitoris is richly blessed with abundant supply of
delicate nerve fibres that are better left alone. The
clitoris is one of the few organs in the body designed
with double nerve supply ;the pudendal nerve and the
perineal branch of the posterior femoral cutaneous
nerve. The organ also contains fibres from the
sympathetic and parasympathetic chains of the
autonomic nervous system .Recently scientists have
been able to map the area of the brain(cerebrum)
which receives, registers and controls activities of the
clitoris and have found that the clitoris, nipple and
other parts of the female body share commonalities in
many respects.
Psycho social issues:
As told in medical sociology, even in churches; behind
closed doors, how a couple wants to have sex, where,
how and for what reasons are purely and truthfully
for them to decide. No one , is expected to meddle in
the matrimonial affairs of any pair in legitimate
relationship.
Sexual needs and identity begin early in life . Indeed
by the time a child reaches the age of five(earlier in
some and later in others),she will have passed the
initial rungs of the ladder of psycho sexual
development as espoused by Sigmund Freud and will
have begun to appreciate sexual identity. This identity
takes many issues into consideration and will not be
discussed here because doing so might not be
appropriate for some children who though very young
are able to assess information of sensitive nature
from the internet. From this age of five, older or
younger as discussed , any inappropriate physical
activity of what ever nature or assault on the genitalia
is likely to be written down in her mental diary and
will remain there for the rest of her life. What ever
she knows about her self in general and about specific
parts of her body will be recorded, played and
compared several times over in her brain as she grows
and matures, interacting with her environment and
exposed to positive and negative reinforcement,
depending on many other factors. It thus becomes a
huge problem with far reaching ramifications when a
child is allowed to grow into adulthood with the
knowledge that she is different in one particular part
of her body compared with other women. In most of
the situations in Nigeria, where in accordance with the
rules and regulations of a church, intending partners
are not allowed to come into any significant degrees
of intimacy until union is solemnized, pre marriage
counsellors may have issues with partner disclosure
status ,with physical examination presenting matters
of their own specific nature.
Social issues:
For women who have had the clitoris amputated ,a
wide range of dysfunctional sexual responses have
been documented. To begin with, no responsible man
would want sex with his wife or partner to assume the
form of rape ,and so for legitimate marital or spousal
sex, one reason for foreplay is to adequately prepare
a woman for reception and avoid vaginal hostility .
Conscious of the fact that down below, she is not quite
as complete as she should be, an affected woman may
want to hide that part of her body considering herself
inadequate before her husband ; intra psychic
conflicts declare themselves, and with the mind
searching for ways to cope with her seeming
incompleteness, response might come in ways that may
be interpreted as primitive, hostile(mind body
disconnect), unusual, bizarre or inappropriate. She
may even find herself unable to respond at all.
In any marriage or successful relationship, a partner
finds fulfilment in being desired and this can be
projected(at least to a large extent) by way of verbal
and non verbal communication. While in bed, coldness,
unusual demands and responses could be easily
misunderstood and misinterpreted. It only takes a
little miscalculation thereafter for affected couples to
start filing papers for divorce sighting what they
commonly refer to as irreconcilable differences.

SEX DEN IN SIAYA

SEX DEN OF SIAYA
(This is certain place in Siaya)
It’s a normal Friday afternoon in the boda boda city of Siaya. The ubiquitous hot and wet Siaya weather is unignorable, so is the smell of fish and dust from the road construction.

I meet my usually jovial friend Mathews  who wasn’t his cheery self today.

I can tell something is wrong by the look of his face.

He is usually free with me so he decides to be talk.

“Otieno  there is a big problem in siaya. Young girls are being used in the sex industry in siaya. I feel so bad that girls below the age of 15 are in this business of prostitution. It’s a pity that such girls do sleep with very old men in fact older than their parents for only fifty shillings. These girls operate from eleven until morning hours.”

Mathews, noticing the disbelief in my face, drags me to see for myself.

As soon as the dark of the night creeped in, young girls barely into their teenage years started trooping into the parlour.

I asked Anyango* later why she feels she has to do that.

“I need money. I am an orphan with nobody to take care of me, nobody to buy me pads or other things I need.”

She tells me that business is not bad.

“On a good night I sleep with over five men. They pay me fifty shillings if we use condoms and eight hundred shillings if we don’t use.”

It’s clear what her choice is.

Mathews asks me what NGOS  will do about this.

“Law enforcers know about this and are doing nothing about it. Most of them actually receive bribes not to do anything. NGOS aren’t any different as most just come here, conduct research in the area and leave with data.”

He feels that civil society organizations have an important role to play in such dialogues.

Teenage prostitution is real in Siaya area and I just wish this issues is dealt with once for all.

Mathews feels that most of the coverage in Siaya on traditional and new media platforms are all about vices, yet the youth of the area are much more than social misfits.

###########

Sex Exploitation of children in all its forms is a crime according to the constitution and other local and international instruments.
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BEAST OF SIAYA KENYA

My name is Atieno (not her real name) am 12 years old, I go to school at Sidundo. Am in class 5 and am an orphan and i live with my grandmother. I lost my parents last year and life has been so unfair to me. I have a problem she said to me while crying. Go on my child  feel free with me i will help you i said to her. I could feel she was in pain from the inside. After wiping her tears off, she continued .. While i was at my grandmothers place , she used to leave me alone at the homestead as she went to look for food at the market. One day as she left two men came in and started touching me around my breast and chest. I didnt know what they were doing was bad because they were smilling at me. I was so innocent i thought they were playing with me then suddenly one of the man pulled my pants down and took me inside. He took his pants off and did nasty things to me. I really felt alot of pain, he threaten to kill me if i dared to scream. After he was done, his other companion came in also and did the same nasty things to me and they left. At that moment i wish i was dead. I could not even walk and ask for help i was left bleeding and in a lot of pain.lucky my grandmother on this day came home early and she was able to rush me to the hospital where i was treated. This ordeal  has never stopped haunting me. I do have nightmares and am so afraid of men i really hate all men because i think they are all evil . People in this society view me as an outcast and cursed child with bad luck and they never want me to associate with them and their kids. Am really so lonely and i feel like commiting suicide and join my parents where i can have peace but i cannot do that because of my grandmother. She is too old no one will take care of her while am gone  i do not want her to be sad  she is the only thing am left with in this world. each and everyday i lie to her am okay just to make her happy and stress free but from the inside am dying slowly  but i have to be strong for her. I just wish people could accept me as i am. am a human being i do not eat people she could control her emotions and her grandmother pulled her away.
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THE BOY CHILD ALSO NEEDS HELP

THE BOY CHILD ALSO NEEDS HELP

The girl child empowerment has sidelined the boy child making him to be very vulnerable in the society. We have ignored the boy child for too long. The boy child is really suffering out here and something needs to be done before it’s too late and we loose them. A good example is in Usonga ward in Siaya county where you find that a lot of the boy child have dropped out of  school and have been forced into the brick making and bird scaring  business in Bunyala irrigation schemes . Boys as young as 8 years old are into this business and they are paid peanuts due to the cheap labor they offer. To make matters worse they work under harsh weather conditions and there is no food or water for them. They work like donkeys and the parents are okay with them doing such work in the name of boys are heads of families they need to work and put food on the table. Guardians and parents have abandoned their responsibility of keeping their boys in school and instead let them work  for pay. Actually many parents are happy that the burden of paying secondary school fees has been off-loaded from them when the boys drop out of school before they finish their primary school education. Child labor is illegal and is  not right. The troubled boy child dilemma should not be left out to women only to figure out and deal with. Men themselves should start holding the boy child hands the way women have been doing for long with the girl child. if we neglect them the consequences and danger of this is that we are slowly breeding an angry misunderstood violent and marginalized generation of men which has serious negative consequences. Who will save the boy child when the whole world is turning against him? The boy child has no room to be a child in our society. When he cries because he has problems and needs help he is reminded that men don’t cry and should be brave. Let us protect the boy child before its too late.
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NEGLIGENCE AND IGNORANCE IN OUR YOUTHS.

I had a chat with some teenagers of siaya sub county who
fortunately or unfortunately are teenage parents and
what I learnt is there is a lot negligence and pure
ignorance amongst the youths when it comes matters
of sexual reproductive health. For instance on how they
feel as young parents some said that they were proud
since in case of death they won’t be forgotten as their
seeds would carry their torch on wards ……..on why
they never used a condom some talked of being caught
up in the moment while others talked of raw sex being
sweeter…. on why they could not abstain they said it’s
really hard for them to abstain… on whether they were
catering for their children’s needs they said they had
no capacity yet… Really, was God mistaken when he
said procreation was meant for the married? Why
bring an innocent child to this world just to let it
suffer? Has sex become like the air we breathe that we
can’t live without? Why do you give in for five minutes
of pleasure just to regret for the rest of your life? It
is high time that we youths become responsible when it
comes to reproductive health. If you know that you
are not ready to bring a child into this world then
please grab a condom and use it. If you cannot have
protected sex then you abstain until when you married
.let us make pro- responsible choices that we will never
live to regret. The Youth, let us practice abstinence,
condom use and faithfulness for a success in our
reproductive health.

FIRST DATE TIPS: WHAT TO TALK ABOUT AND WHAT TOPICS TO AVOID

FIRST DATE TIPS: WHAT TO TALK ABOUT AND WHAT
TOPICS TO AVOID
First dates aren’t easy. They usually consist of
moments of awkward silence, fear of having food
between your teeth, wondering if he noticed your
nervousness, thinking you said something really stupid
and wishing you could take it back, and the worst one,
trying to think of what the heck you should talk about!
One of the tips was: Don’t talk about why you got
divorced for more than a few minutes. Why? Because
your date might be going through his or her own
divorce, and is probably viewing dating as refreshing.
The last thing he or she wants to do is relive your
divorce, hear your complaints and analyze what your
ex spouse might or might not be thinking and feeling.
Besides not talking about your divorce, there are other
topics of conversation you should stay away from on a
first date. There are also some great topics that are
perfect for a first date; topics that will spark
intellectual, emotional and positive conversation,
hopefully resulting in a second date!
1. BAD TOPIC: POLITICS.
Obamacare,Raila,Uhuru,Goodluck,Museveni etc is not
first date stuff! People get really sensitive and
offended if the person they are with doesn’t share
their political views.
GOOD TOPIC: What’s in the news. If you aren’t already
watching the news and reading the paper, please
start. Aside from the fact that it makes you a more
intelligent person, that it’s healthy to be informed
and knowledgeable, and that you are setting an
example for your kids, knowing what’s going on really
does make you more attractive and interesting to your
date. Plus, it sparks interesting, thoughtful
conversation. I know you are busy, but you can get
caught up on world news if you invest even 15 minutes
a day reading the paper or news online.
2. BAD TOPIC: OLD RELATIONSHIPS.
Just like your date doesn’t want to hear about your ex,
no one wants to hear about an old boyfriend you still
miss dearly, or the one who got away.
GOOD TOPIC: Kids or family. Your date went out for
dinner with you to get to know YOU, and the best way
he or she can do that is to hear you talk about your
kids or your family, the people you are closest to. I
always like to watch a man’s expression when he talks
about his kids. That tells me everything I need to know
about what kind of father and person he is. Or, one
time I was dating this guy and he talked about how
“stupid” his mother was. I RAN the other way.
Seriously.
3. BAD TOPIC: YOUR JOB (IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY).
I think there are two types of people. Those who go to
their jobs only to bring home a paycheck, and those
who truly have passion for what they do. If you are
the former, keep your job description brief and
instead talk about your hobbies and/or interests
outside of the office. By the way, I have nothing
against people who work for a paycheck. I’m not
judging. I’m just saying, whatever you talk about with
your date, talk about it with passion and happiness,
versus “My boss is an a-hole.”
GOOD TOPIC: hobbies, interests, travel. Let’s say you
just got back from Spain, or you have a trip planned
to China. Or, you just started doing yoga and you love
it! (That’s what I would talk about if I had a first
date tonight.) Or, you are learning Spanish. First
dates are all about figuring out if you want to have a
relationship with this person. And so much of that
comes down to having things in common. So, tell your
date what turns you on!
4. BAD TOPIC: SEX.
It’s just in bad taste to start talking about sex on a
first date. It just is.
GOOD TOPIC: Love. You might disagree with me, but I
think it’s okay to talk about love and relationships,
and what you think makes a good one. Get it on the
table! Tell your date what you want and don’t want.
I’m not saying to tell your date you want to be
married within the year, but saying, “I’m really
looking to fall in love,” or “I would like to be married
again someday,” aren’t forbidden. Use your best
judgment, but be honest. Chances are, your date wants
that too.
In closing, of all the first date tips I can give, the
best one is to just be yourself. Be authentic. BUT, be
YOUR BEST self. Offer your date the things you love
about yourself; your passion, your heart, your humor,
perhaps. Leave your divorce baggage at home tonight.