SELF ESTEEM

Self-esteem is made up of the thoughts, feelings, and
opinions we have about ourselves. That means self-
esteem isn't fixed. It can change, depending on the
way we think. Over time, habits of negative thinking
about ourselves can lower self-esteem.
Sometimes, people don't even realize that they're
thinking so negatively about themselves. Btut once
you're aware of it, and know that the way you think is
up to you, you can begin to change the way you think.
And changing the way you think about yourself
changes the way you feel about yourself.
So if you want to feel better about yourself, try some
of these things:
MANAGE YOUR INNER CRITIC.
Notice the critical things you say to yourself. Would
you talk to a best friend like that? A harsh inner
voice just tears us down. If you're in the habit of
thinking self-critically, re-train yourself by rewording
these negative unkind thoughts into more helpful
feedback.
FOCUS ON WHAT GOES WELL FOR YOU.
Are you so used to focusing on your problems that
they're all you see? Next time you catch yourself
dwelling on problems or complaints about yourself or
your day, find something positive to counter it. Each
day, write down three good things about yourself,
and/or three things that went well that day because
of your action or effort.
AIM FOR EFFORT RATHER THAN PERFECTION.
Some people get held back by their own pressure to be
perfect. They lose out because they don't try. If you
think, "I won't audition for the play because I
probably won't get the lead," it's guaranteed that role
will go to someone else.
VIEW MISTAKES AS LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES.
Accept that you will make mistakes. Everyone does.
They're part of learning. Instead of thinking, "I
always mess up" remind yourself that it's not about
always, just this specific situation. What can you do
differently next time?
EDIT THOUGHTS THAT GET YOU FEELING INFERIOR.
Do you often compare yourself with others and come
up feeling less accomplished or less talented? Notice
what you're thinking. Something like: "She's so much
better than I am. I'm no good at basketball. I should
just stop playing" leads to feeling inferior, not to
feeling good about yourself.
REMIND YOURSELF THAT EVERYONE EXCELS AT
DIFFERENT THINGS.
Focus on what you do well, and cheer on others for
their success. Thinking more like this: "She's a great
basketball player — but the truth is, I'm a better
musician than athlete. Still, I'll keep playing because I
enjoy it." helps you accept yourself and make the best
of the situation.
TRY NEW THINGS, AND GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT.
Experiment with different activities to help you get in
touch with your talents. Then take pride in your new
skills. Think about the good results. For example: I
signed up for track and found out I'm pretty fast!
These positive thoughts become good opinions of
yourself, and add up to self-esteem.
RECOGNIZE WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE AND WHAT YOU
CAN'T.
If you realize that you're unhappy with something
about yourself that you can change (like getting to a
healthy weight), start today. If it's something you
can't change (like your height), work on accepting it.
Obsessing about our "flaws" can really skew your
opinion of yourself and bring down your self-esteem.
Most of the time, other people don't even notice these
things!
SET GOALS.
Think about what you'd like to accomplish. Then make
a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan, and keep
track of your progress. Train your inner voice to
remind you of what you are accomplishing. For
example: "I've been following my plan to exercise
every day for 45 minutes. I feel good that I've kept
my promise to myself. I know I can keep it up."
TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR OPINIONS AND IDEAS.
Don't be afraid to voice them. If someone disagrees,
it's not a reflection on your worth or your intelligence.
That person just sees things differently from you.
ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS.
When self-esteem is low, it's easy to overlook the good
things people say about us. We don't believe it when
someone says a nice thing. Instead, we think, "...yeah,
but I'm not all that great..." and we brush off the
compliment. Instead, let yourself absorb a compliment,
appreciate it, and take it seriously. Give sincere
compliments, too.
MAKE A CONTRIBUTION.
Tutor a classmate who's having trouble, help clean up
your neighborhood, participate in a walkathon for a
good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way.
When you can see that what you do makes a
difference, it builds your positive opinion of yourself,
and makes you feel good. That's self-esteem.
EXERCISE!
Being active and fit helps you feel good about
yourself. You'll relieve stress, and be healthier, too!
RELAX AND HAVE FUN. Do you ever think stuff like "I'd
have more friends if I were more attractive"?
Thoughts like these can set you on a path to low self-
esteem because they focus on what's not perfect
instead of making the best of what is. Spend time with
the people you care about, do the things you love, and
focus on what's good. That helps you feel good about
yourself, just as you are.

By: Leonard Otieno