CAUSES OF TEENAGE PREGNANCY IN KENYA

Causes of Teenage Pregnancy in kenya

Teenage Pregnancy in Kenya amongst school going  girls has become a worrying trend. Young girls drop out of school due to pregnancy and may not continue with their education.

Teenage pregnancy refers to girls becoming pregnant when in either primary school or high school, basically below 18 years of age.

This means they have to drop out of school to first take care of themselves and the baby when it is born.

These cases of early teenage pregnancy in Kenya have diverse effects not only to the individual but also the community as a whole.

This trend is very saddening; think of how these girls become pregnant and what becomes of their life after this. I am  a mature single mother to two beautiful children and parenting is still challenging. So can you imagine how much harder it is for these girls, who are single, under age, unemployed and immature.

Reality of Teenage Pregnancy in Kenya

Young people are sexually active more now than before and at very early age. This exposes them not only to the risk of becoming pregnant, but also to sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDs and other venereal diseases. So not only should we be concerned about this rise of cases of teenage   pregnancy in Kenya but also increase in infection cases.

Most pregnant teenage girls have no idea of what they are getting themselves into when they engage in unprotected sex and then later discover they are pregnant.

They are thrown in to a panic not knowing who to turn to for fear of rejection. First when the father of the baby discovers in most cases they disown the pregnancy and claim innocence,  the society is hostile and then the situation at home in some cases becomes violent. The girl is thrown out of home, becomes homeless or shipped to some hide out till she delivers as she has now become an eye sore for the family.

Causes of Teenage Pregnancy in Kenya
1.Peer pressure
2.Rape
3.Cultural practices
4.Broken families
5.Poverty
6.Lack of sexual awareness
7.Abuse of alcohol and drugs

Peer pressure:

Most young people trust their peers and are easily influenced to engage in sexual encounters as a way of belong to a group. This may not be spelled out as a ritual but is expected of every member of the group. This is one of the main factors leading to increased cases of teenage pregnancy in Kenya.

Rape:

Teenage girls are the most abused age group of women. Rape at this age is in most cases by a person who the girl trusts. This can be a male relative, including biological fathers and step fathers, teachers and domestic workers.

Cultural Practices:

Some communities in Kenya marry off young girls from age 10 to men old enough to be their parents. At this tender age, these girls have not being exposure to any form of sexually education and have no clue of what their husbands expect from them. They become baby making machines, so why won’t this be a major contributor to increased cases of Pregnancy in Kenya.

Broken families:

Lack of a stable family structure push the girls to look for security else where and this is when they get lured in relationships which have devastating effects on their lives.

Poverty:

Due to poverty, girls are forced by their parents to sell their bodies as a source of revenue for the family, just to cater for their basic needs.

Lack of sexual awareness:

There is a big difference between the society we were brought up in and the current society in terms of sexual awareness.

When I was growing up, sex education was a taboo, we could not talk about it in public not even in schools and neither at home. So most of us were not taught about the changes our bodies were going through not until we joined high school and during biology class that we understood our bodies. This is why majority of us now as parents will not talk to our children about sex and leave them to be educated by media and their peers. This leads to experimenting, so why won’t cases of Pregnancy in Kenyabe on the increase.

Abuse of alcohol and drugs:

Young people are abusing drugs rampantly and of course this will increase the sexual activities. This is a major contributor to increased cases of under age and unwanted pregnancies.

How do we address these cases of Teenage Pregnancy in Kenya

This a burden all of us as members of the society have to bear, why can’t we be our sisters keeper. We have sisters, daughters, nieces and grandchildren who need us to enlighten them on the dangers of engaging in sexual activities.

These girls do not get themselves pregnant, some man was an active participant. Where is he now? why can’t we hold him responsible, he is someone’s brother, father, uncle, grandfather, nephew or  husband.

Let’s stop all this cultural nonsense of marring off babies to become wives. What a shame!!!

Girls do not engage yourselves in sexual activities if you are ready for the consequences which include contracting HIV/AIDS. Respect yourself, do not let your friends make decisions for you. They will be the first ones to call you lose or a slut when you become pregnant and they will not help you carry the pregnancy to term. Neither will they stay up late nights with you when the baby comes nor provide any kind of support, they will be busy enjoying their uncomplicated life.

Your body is a temple of the Lord; guard it with your life and lets reduce unplanned cases of Teenage Pregnancy in Kenya.

 

 

SCIENTIFIC REASONS WHY MEN SLEEP AFTER SEX

SCIENTIFIC REASONS WHY MEN SLEEP AFTER SEX
There are scientifically proven reasons why he falls
asleep after getting’ busy.
• Research shows that when a man reaches orgasm, he
releases himself at that moment of any fear and
anxiety, which puts him in the most relaxing state of
mind and sleep is the natural next step. The snoring,
well, that’s another thing altogether. You’re on your
own dealing with that!
• More of that same research from Live Science – when
men ejaculate, they release chemicals from the brain
such as serotonin (a sleep aid), oxytocin,
norepinephrine, vasopressin, nitric oxide and
prolactin. It’s like he has a chemical cocktail when he
climaxes.
Prolactin in particular seems to be affiliated with high
levels of sleep. In fact, in one research project, it was
found that animals that were injected with prolactin
became sleepy.
• Oxytocin is associated with a release of feelings of
trust and closeness. It’s like he’s a baby and again
and sleep comes easy (as long as he’s not teething).
• The most obvious reason is that you probably did it at
night and in a bed, and that’s where sleep usually
takes place, so he was just going with the flow.
There are advantages to the post-sex sleeping man –
you get some alone time and if it was all that and a
bag of chips, it’s just a matter of time before he will
be ready to go again! Sleep is the ultimate rejuvenator
when it comes to a man’s sex drive.
So don’t feel bad or get pissed off when he goes to
Dream City after you’ve made love. You just can’t beat
science.

THINGS YOU NEED TO TEACH YOUR CHILD(REN) AT EARLY AGE:

THINGS YOU NEED TO TEACH YOUR CHILD(REN) AT EARLY
AGE:
1: Warn your Girl Child Never to sit on anyone's laps
no matter the situation including uncles.
2: Avoid Getting Dressed in front of your child once
he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or
yourself.
3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as 'my
wife' or 'my husband'
4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends
make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of
play they do, because young people now sexually abuse
themselves.
5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is
not comfortable with and also be observant if your
child becomes too fond of a particular adult.
6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn
you may need to patiently ask lots of questions from
your child.
7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right
values of sex . If you don't, the society will teach them
the wrong values.
8: It is always advisable you go through any new
Material like cartoons you just bought for them before
they start seeing it themselves.
9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable
networks and advice your friends especially those your
child(ren) visit(s) often.
10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private
parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone
touch those areas and that
includes you (remember, charity begins from home
and with you).
11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could
threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music,
movies and even friends and families).
12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of
standing out of the crowd.
13: Once your child complains about a particular
person, don't keep quiet about it.
Take up the case and show them you can defend them.
Remember, we are either parents or parents-to-be.
Have a Nice day and Great Week Ahead
And possible forward to all friends who have
children's

SEVEN CANCER SYMPTOMS THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER IGNORE

Seven cancer symptoms that you should never ignore

Certain red flag symptoms are sometimes early warning signs of cancer and other serious illnesses.

It's best to get them checked out as soon as you can. These include:

1. Testicles: "If you find a new lump it needs to be examined by the doctor. There are many benign causes for lumps but occasionally it may be testicular cancer," advises Dr Down.

"It has a brilliant survival rate. Almost 100% of men survive after 5-years if it has not spread when it is diagnosed."

2. Breasts: "A new lump in the breast should always be examined by the doctor. It may be only a benign cyst but cancer needs to be excluded first," explains Dr Down. "If breast cancer is found early it can avoid the need for the whole breast to be removed. Stage 0 breast cancer corresponds with a 93% 5-year survival rate, but only 15% if found late at stage 4."

3. Vagina: "Any new lumps, discharge or abnormal bleeding needs to be seen by the doctor. Cancers can occur in this area but infections can also cause infertility and other problems, so get it

4. Bowel: "New diarrhoea or bleeding/blood in the stool lasting longer than 4 to 6 weeks needs to be sorted out early because sometimes it’s the first sign of bowel cancer," says Dr Down.

5. Urination: "Men with poor urine stream or passing urine more frequently are often developing a prostate problem," she says. "This can be benign requiring a simple tablet that can really help. Sometimes it is due to prostate cancer that can be cured if detected early."

6. Erectile dysfunction: "This is usually psychological and can often be easily treated," says Dr Down. "Occasionally it can point towards a more serious underlying cause such as high blood pressure, diabetes or vascular disease."

7. Chest pains/breathlessness: These can be signs of angina and other heart problems – so always mention them to your doctor.

10 THINGS I WANT TO TELL TEENAGE GIRLS

Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls
1. If you choose to wear shirts that show off your
boobs, you will attract boys. To be more specific, you
will attract the kind of boys that like to look down
girls’ shirts. If you want to date a guy who likes to
look at other girls’ boobs and chase skirts, then great
job; keep it up. If you don’t want to date a guy who
ogles at the breasts of other women, then maybe you
should stop offering your own breasts up for the
ogling. All attention is not equal. You think you want
attention, but you don’t. You want respect. All
attention is not equal.
2. Don’t go to the tanning bed. You’ll thank me when
you go to your high school reunion and you look like
you’ve been airbrushed and then photoshopped
compared to the tanning bed train wrecks formerly
known as classmates – well, at least next to the ones
that haven’t died from skin cancer.
3. When you talk about your friends “anonymously” on
Facebook, we know exactly who you’re talking about.
People are smarter than you think they are. Stop
posting passive-aggressive statuses about the myriad
of ways your friends disappoint you.
4. Newsflash: the number of times you say “I hate
drama” is a pretty good indicator of how much you
love drama. Non-dramatic people don’t feel the need
to discuss all the drama they didn’t start and aren’t
involved in.
5. “Follow your heart” is probably the worst advice
ever.
6. Never let a man make you feel weak or inferior
because you are an emotional being. Emotion is good;
it is nothing to be ashamed of. Emotion makes us
better – so long as it remains in it’s proper place:
subject to truth and reason.
7. Smoking is not cool.
8. Stop saying things like, “I don’t care what anyone
thinks about me.” First of all, that’s not true. And
second of all, if it is true, you need a perspective
shift. Your reputation matters – greatly. You should
care what people think of you.
9. Don’t play coy or stupid or helpless to get attention.
Don’t pretend something is too heavy so that a boy will
carry it for you. Don’t play dumb to stroke someone’s
ego. Don’t bat your eyelashes in exchange for attention
and expect to be taken seriously, ever. You can’t have
it both ways. Either you show the world that you have a
brain and passions and skills, or you don’t. There are
no damsels in distress managing corporations, running
countries, or managing households. The minute you
start batting eyelashes, eyelashes is all you’ve got.
10. You are beautiful. You are enough. The world we
live in is twisted and broken and for your entire life
you will be subjected to all kinds of lies that tell you
that you are not enough. You are not thin enough. You
are not tan enough. You are not smooth, soft, shiny,
firm, tight, fit, silky, blonde, hairless enough. Your
teeth are not white enough. Your legs are not long
enough. Your clothes are not stylish enough. You are
not educated enough. You don’t have enough
experience. You are not creative enough.
There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a
television industry, (and most unfortunately) a
pornography industry: and all of these have unique
ways of communicating to bright young women: you are
not beautiful, sexy, smart or valuable enough.
You must have the clarity and common sense to know
that none of that is true. None of it.
You were created for a purpose, exactly so. You have
innate value. You are loved more than you could ever
comprehend; it is mind-boggling how much you are
adored. There has never been, and there will never be
another you. Therefore, you have unique thoughts to
offer the world. They are only yours, and we all lose
out if you are too fearful to share them.
You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are enough.
~ Leonard Otieno

SAFE AND UNSAFE GIRL DAY

Safe & unsafe days
The ‘safe days’ method is suitable for people who don’t like any other form of contraception, have sex only occasionally, or who do not terribly mind getting pregnant. Of course, they must also be able to do simple sums.
Safe & unsafe days; avoiding pregnancy without using a contraceptive
If you know what the most risky time of the month is, you can avoid pregnancy without using any contraceptive. This method -also known as ‘rhythm’ or ‘biological’ method- became unpopular with sex educators since the invention of the pill, but it is certainly not as useless as it is sometimes made out to be. It is also good to be informed about the monthly cycle. So first read about menstruation and ovulation.
Safe & unsafe days; knowing your cycle
The unsafe days are the five days before ovulation (because that is how long some sperm cells can survive in the body) and the day of ovulation itself (because the egg cell is fertile only then). So six days a month are unsafe, the other 24 are not. The only problem is that ovulation cannot be precise predicted and may vary for different reasons (stress or illness, also young girls and older women are often very irregular).
So it is first necessary to know how many days -on average- your menstrual cycle is and how regular it is. If you note down the first day of the period for twelve months, you have a good basis for using the table on this page.
Safe & unsafe days; some examples

If your cycle was always precisely 28 days, your first unsafe day is 11 and the last is 18
If your shortest cycle was 21 days and your longest 33, your first unsafe day is 4 and your last unsafe day is 23
You now understand why this method is not very good if you have irregular periods. And also why it is possible to conceive in the first week, while one is still menstruating. But of course that is quite rare.
Safe & unsafe days; the moment of ovulation
Some women can feel their ovulation as a sharp pain, some feel changes in the breasts, skin, mood or sexual desire. After a day they will be safe.
Women can also measure their body temperature to get an indication of the time of their ovulation.
Body temperature rises slightly after ovulation. The rise is not more than about 0.2 degrees (0.4 degrees Fahrenheit). There are digital thermometers which can show the small difference easily. To use this method correctly, you need to take your temperature every day as soon as you wake up.
The fertile time ends when you have recorded temperatures for three days in a row, which are higher than all the previous six days.).
Make sure that there are no other causes for a rise in temperature.
There are fertility devices on the market, which monitor changes in temperature urine on saliva. The best-known is called Persona. It is a small handheld monitor with a series of urine test sticks. Persona predicts the fertile and infertile times of the menstrual cycle with reasonable accuracy.

STEPS OF A BREAST SELF-EXAM

The Five Steps of a Breast Self-Exam

Step 1: Begin by looking at your breasts in the mirror with your shoulders straight and your arms on your hips.

Here's what you should look for:

Breasts that are their usual size, shape, and colorBreasts that are evenly shaped without visible distortion or swelling

If you see any of the following changes, bring them to your doctor's attention:

Dimpling, puckering, or bulging of the skinA nipple that has changed position or an inverted nipple (pushed inward instead of sticking out)Redness, soreness, rash, or swelling

Breast Self-Exam — Step 1

Step 2: Now, raise your arms and look for the same changes.

Step 3: While you're at the mirror, look for any signs of fluid coming out of one or both nipples (this could be a watery, milky, or yellow fluid or blood).

Steps 2 and 3

Step 4: Next, feel your breasts while lying down, using your right hand to feel your left breast and then your left hand to feel your right breast. Use a firm, smooth touch with the first few finger pads of your hand, keeping the fingers flat and together. Use a circular motion, about the size of a quarter.

Cover the entire breast from top to bottom, side to side — from your collarbone to the top of your abdomen, and from your armpit to your cleavage.

Follow a pattern to be sure that you cover the whole breast. You can begin at the nipple, moving in larger and larger circles until you reach the outer edge of the breast. You can also move your fingers up and down vertically, in rows, as if you were mowing a lawn. This up-and-down approach seems to work best for most women. Be sure to feel all the tissue from the front to the back of your breasts: for the skin and tissue just beneath, use light pressure; use medium pressure for tissue in the middle of your breasts; use firm pressure for the deep tissue in the back. When you've reached the deep tissue, you should be able to feel down to your ribcage.

Breast Self-Exam — Step 4

Step 5: Finally, feel your breasts while you are standing or sitting. Many women find that the easiest way to feel their breasts is when their skin is wet and slippery, so they like to do this step in the shower. Cover your entire breast, using the same hand movements described in step 4.
For more clarification email or whatsApp leonard04otieno@gmail.com /+254713530966

12 TYPES OF WOMEN MEN SHOULD AVOID

12 TYPES OF WOMEN MEN SHOULD AVOID
1. THE CONTROL FREAK
For this woman, her ideal relationship is less about
compatibility and compromise and more about having
someone do everything she says. The only way she can
be happy is if she has complete control over
circumstances which ruins all opportunity for
spontaneity, romantic surprises, and, you know, a
man to love out of his own free will.
2. THE GOLD DIGGER
All men have experienced the effort to bring together
their physical, spiritual and financial aspects. In the
process of courting, you will pay for flowers, go out to
the movies, take the weekend to go skiing, and lay the
world out before her. However, while you spend with
emotion and desire, make sure your newfound lady is
enjoying you rather than your money. Gold Diggers will
eventually show their colours when they begin expecting
you to pay for everything including her bills. Going for
broke in a relationship is far different from going
broke, Player. Remember that.
The Gold Digger is easy to detect, but they are a smart
breed. A Gold Digger will instantly speak of high-
priced evenings and pricey desserts. She will mention
her bills and her need for your financial help. She will
also take this time to arouse you to the point of blind
obedience. Stand your ground and keep your hand on
your wallet.
3. THE NARCISSIST
She’s the girl that wants all eyes on her and when
they’re not it becomes a problem. Remember Regine
from Living Single? She’s the same as her. Trying to
build a relationship with a Narcissist is the same as
trying to live in a sandcastle. It’ll take a lot of
understanding and therapy sessions to develop a
concrete relationship with her.
4. MISS CHATTER-BOX
For a man, a talkative woman is neither good nor bad.
Most women are accused of being too talkative when,
in reality, they are speaking more simply because they
are discussing a subject that is of great interest to
them and not just because women talk more. In a
woman's world, everyone speaks together. In the world
of men, it is considered rude to speak out of turn and
one is not to be interrupted by the other until he's
done. Therefore, when a woman asks a man a question
and he proceeds to answer her - and then she begins
to interject her opinions for the next 10 minutes -
he'll just quit trying.
5. THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE ONE
The passive-aggressive woman spells danger. She is
unable to tell you how she feels, so she acts out her
feelings, which will surely confuse you. When she’s
passive, it may seem alluring, but that passivity will
eventually turn back into aggressive when she feels she
isn’t getting what she wants.
6. THE WANNABE
She comes across as if she has a lot going on, yet you
can’t really pinpoint what or who she really is. It’s
more likely that she has an identity issue or is too
wrapped up in the lives of celebrities that she’s lost
herself along the way
7. THE COMPARATIVE ONE
She’s the one that compares you to either her terrible
ex or her father that you will never live up to. It’ll be
very hard to feel appreciated by her because whatever
you do will not measure up to her standards. She can’t
see you for who you are, she only sees how things can
be better or how wrong they are.
8. THE COMPLAINER
Regardless of the situations she’ll find something to
complain about. If you’re late, if you’re wearing blue
instead of red, if it’s raining outside or sunny she will
find fault in it all. It’ll be like walking on eggshells
around her
9. THE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE ONE
There is no way to build a relationship with an
emotionally unavailable person.The emotionally
unavailable person refuses to express themselves and
are so evasive that it becomes exhausting trying to get
through to them. They are good at charm, seduction
and sexual appeal, but when the relationship gets
deeper they will bail or sabotage it.
10. THE ATTENTION- SEEKER
She’s a bit different from the narcissist. The
attention-seeker is constantly on the lookout for
attention and often does things to get attention. She
may be loud in public or post pictures on Instagram
and Facebook more times a day than anyone can keep
up with. Her attention-seeking is a symptom,
sometimes, of a lack of self-esteem or she believes she
won’t get attention unless she demands it.
11. THE OVER-ANALYZER
From the beginning, she’ll be trying to understand why
you do what you do because she feels everything has a
deeper meaning. The need to know why you said one
word over another will be the crux of your
conversations. One-word answers annoy her and that’ll
tornado into a huge argument. It’ll be like chemistry
class with this one.
12. THE MEAN ONE
Her lip stays poked out ready to go off on whoever.
There is no explanation as to why she’s being mean or
why she’s mad. There isn’t much to do here unless you
want to set her off and have her unleash on you.
There’s surely a way to get through to her, but only she
knows that and she probably ain’t trying to reveal
that.

HEALTH BENEFITS OF PUMPKIN LEAVES

Back where I come from, we call these green “sewewe/obudho” or “resewewe”, and most kenyans  have no idea what the English name is (like most local foods) it is known  as pumpkin leaves. My grandmother used to say this was a great vegetable to blend and mix with juices and stuff, but way back then, as a child, I could never understand why someone would want to blend a vegetable. And it didn’t have the best texture in the world. Now, look at me, blending all sorts of greens!

This vegetable is used a lot in western kenya   to cook soups (what you may refer to as a sauce), to boil and eat plain, or to blend into a shake. People say it is healthy, but I don’t think people truly know what those health benefits are.

Pumpkin leaves contain a healthy amount of Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Calcium, and Iron, while still staying very low on the calorie front.

We all know about the vision benefits vitamin A provides, as well as the skin benefits. Vitamin C helps to heal wounds and form scar tissue, and maintain healthy bones, skin, and teeth. However since the body cannot produce this vitamin on its own or even store it, you should be consistently getting enough vitamin C in your diet.

As for calcium, your mother probably already told you growing up that you need a healthy dose of calcium for your bones and teeth as a child. However, if you are a female, it is important to consume enough calcium to help prevent osteoporosis and keep your bones strong. There have also been studies showing that calcium may help reduce the risk of cardiovascular failure.

Iron helps our muscles store and use oxygen, and helps carry oxygen from our lungs to other parts of our bodies as part of hemoglobin. If you’ve ever heard the term “anemia”, this can be caused by iron deficiency. Women and children in particular need a healthy dose of iron consistently, and these leaves help provide that nutrient naturally.

Some of the health benefits of pumpkin leave include:

1. Prevention of convulsion: The young leaves sliced and mixed with coconut water and salt are stored in a bottle and used for the treatment of convulsion in ethno medicine.
2 lowers cholesterol:leaves has hypolipdemic effect and may be a useful therapy in hypercholestolemia.
3 Boost fertility: A particular study showed that pumpkin has the potential to regenerate testicular damage and also increase spermatogenesis.
4. It has a liver protecting effects.
5.  It has antibacterial effects
6 .The leaves are rich in iron and play a key role in the cure of anaemia, (my mother used to mix the leaf extract with milk)
7. They are also noted for lactating properties and are in high demand for nursing mothers.
8.It has an hypoglycaemic (sugar reducing) effect. It is good for diabetics
9. Increases Blood Volume and Boost Immune System
10. The high protein content in leaves of plants such as pumpkin could have supplementary effect for the daily protein requirement of the body.

HOME MADE JIGGERS DRUGS:

Ingredients :
Magadi
Body oil(vaseline or milking jelly)

Ratio of Magadi to Vaseline is 50%:50%
*If you use 20mg of Magadi and 20mg of vaseline dawa will last for about 1 week for 1 person(depends on how serious jiggers are)

HOW TO MAKE;
1.Crush Magadi to make it powdery,if it has big lumps
2.Mix Magadi with vaseline/milking jelly
3.Mix well until it becomes soft
4.Wash affected part (feet/hands)with warm water and soap and dry well with clean cloth.
5.Apply dawa to affected part and area around it.

*Apply the dawa every day before you sleep.
*It will take half a month until its completely heeled.

NOTE:
PROPER SANITATION IS THE BEST PREVENTION!!!
☆wash your body well every day especially affected parts
☆Keep environment clean(clean home,smear floor regularly)
☆Wear shoes all the time if possible

Things you need to teach your Child(ren) at early age

Things you need to teach your Child(ren) at early age:
1: Warn your Girl Child Never to sit on anyone's laps
no matter the situation including uncles.
2: Avoid Getting Dressed in front of your child once
he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or
yourself.
3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as 'my
wife' or 'my husband'
4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends
make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of
play they do, because young people now sexually abuse
themselves.
5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is
not comfortable with and also be observant if your
child becomes too fond of a particular adult.
6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn
you may need to patiently ask lots of questions from
your child.
7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right
values of sex . If you don't, the society will teach them
the wrong values.
8: It is always advisable you go through any new
Material like cartoons you just bought for them before
they start seeing it themselves.
9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable
networks and advice your friends especially those your
child(ren) visit(s) often.
10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private
parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone
touch those areas and that
includes you (remember, charity begins from home
and with you).
11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could
threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music,
movies and even friends and families).
12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of
standing out of the
crowd.
13: Once your child complains about a particular
person, don't keep quiet about it.
Take up the case and show them you can defend them.
Remember, we are either parents or parents-to-be.
Have a Nice day and Great Week Ahead
And possible forward to all friends who have
children's

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Relationships are a necessary part of our existence.
However, relationships can be healthy or unhealthy.
Healthy relationships contribute to our overall well-
being while an unhealthy relationship does the exact
opposite. There are different things that point to
whether a relationship is healthy or not.
To tell if your relationship is healthy or not ask
yourself these questions
:
1. WHAT DOES HE/SHE BRING OUT OF ME?
The quality of your relationship revolves around what
you become by it. How is the relationship impacting
you? Note this is not about the other person forcing
you to change who you already are. In a healthy
relationship, you don’t feel forced to change who you
are but rather inspired to make needed changes. In
other words, it does not try to fix you but rather help
you fix yourself. A true partner knows your weakness
but shows you your strengths. Feels your fears, but
fortifies your faith. Sees your anxieties, but frees your
spirit. Recognizes your disability, but emphasizes your
possibilities.
2. WHAT DOES HE/ SHE THINK OF ME?
What your partner thinks of you really matters. It
tells or determines the value he or she places in such a
relationship. And we usually give quality attention and
care to whatever we value. Does he/she see you as a
plus in his/her life? Relationship works when it involves
mutual contribution. If your partner does not see
you as a value or at least a potential value in his life,
the intimacy and closeness will likely diminish with
time. Also, people tend to become what the most
important person in their lives believes they can be.
That’s why people in abusive relationships are usually
self-critical and timid.
3. WHAT DOES HE/SHE THINK OF MY FUTURE?
Every true relationship invests in your future one way
or the other. Your relationship should contribute to
your dreams and aspirations. Does your partner
support and consider God’s plan for you. Does he/she
help it or hinder it? This emphasizes the need for you
to determine the direction of your life. If you know
what you want in life and where you are going, it is
easy enough to figure out who fits into the picture.
4. HOW DOES HE/SHE BEHAVE TOWARDS ME IN
DIFFICULT TIMES?
The real test on the quality of your relationship comes
during difficult times not when the goings are smooth.
If he/she turns abusive or one way or the other makes
it look like you are the cause of his/her problems,
that’s a negative signal.
5. What does he/she thinks about my values and
beliefs?
If you are in a relationship where you have to
sacrifice your core values, beliefs and things that
really matter to you, you may need to re-consider
that relationship. It is true that we are to adjust and
sacrifice certain things in a relationship. However,
when it involves relegating things that really matter to
you; you are likely to end up unhappy in such
relationship. One thing peculiar with couples in healthy
relationships is the fact that they have similar values,
beliefs and focus.
6. HOW DOES HE/SHE REACTS WHEN ISSUES ARISE?
Disagreement occurs every in any relationship. What
matters is how it is handled? If he/she holds grudges
for days and drags every little issue or disagreement
to the extent that a third party need to be involved
before it can be resolved, it does not tell well about
that relationship.
7. HOW MUCH DO I TRUST HIM/HER?
A relationship without trust breeds insecurity, heart
breaks and emotional instability. It is impossible to
have a relationship if there is no trust in such
relationship. Couples in a healthy relationship are
quite open to each other. That’s why communication is
very important in relationships. If he/she allows you
to wonder or try
to guess what he/she has in mind; If you constantly
sense insincerity from him/her, then there’s bound to
be trust issues in such relationship.

HERE ARE SOME SIGNS THAT YOUR MAN MIGHT NOT BE SERIOUS BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

1. HE’S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. He probably is. He’s
really a snake charmer who loves the chase more than
the catch. It’s all flowers and dinner, but not a lot of
conversation about deeper subjects or the future.
2. IT’S ALL ABOUT HIM. He can’t be inconvenienced to
change his routine to accommodate you. If you can’t
fit into his little world, or if you make one slip up –
like wear the wrong shoes – you are out, baby.
3. HIS HISTORY OF RELATIONSHIPS CAN SAY A LOT on
whether or not he can handle a long intimate
situation. If he hasn’t had a relationship longer than
six months, he might not be boyfriend material.
4. THE THINGS HE SAYS – DOES HE PUT DOWN OTHER
COUPLES? He might actually say things like, “I don’t
believe in marriage.”
5. HE HAS ANGER ISSUES. He’s rude to service people.
It’s often a sign of someone who can be emotionally
abusive.
1. Is He Emotionally Available?
6. HE’S ARROGANT. Honestly, it takes someone with
confidence and self worth to be able to be in an
intimate and committed relationship. If putting down
other people is a way of elevating himself, he’s got
issues.
7. HE HAS A HIDDEN AGENDA. Too many questions about
money and sex early on indicate he has something else
on his mind other than building a loving relationship.
8. He finds fault in something you did or even
something he thinks you did. He’s looking for a way to
sabotage the relationship. So remember that it’s not
always about another woman’ it’s about him and his
willingness and capability to handle an intimate
relationship.

24 THINGS A MUM TEACHES HER DAUGHTER BEFORE MARRIAGE

24 THINGS A MUM TEACHES HER DAUGHTER BEFORE
MARRIAGE
My daughter, don’t cause a separation between your
man and his siblings; it could be dangerous for you
when they finally speak with one voice.
• My daughter, I know that some of you girls don’t
wish to marry a man whose mother is still alive, don’t
ever think like that, if you do, well, I think your son’s
wife-to-be should start wishing you’re dead now.
• My daughter, listen to me, when I married your
father, he was as tiny as his salary but I chose to grow
with him and today, those cars out there are some of
the results of what we started so little, together, and
we’re proud looking at them.
• My daughter, there is this thing i see happening in
your time, some of you girls now get pregnant before
the wedding day, well, it never happened in our time
because no matter what, we never opened our laps
before the wedding.
• My daughter, well, yes, I once locked up the cloth of
your father because I got to my limit of patience and
that was the only thing I could do, but one thing I
haven’t said was that we settled the issue that same
day and that was the last time I tried that.
• My daughter, look up there. That’s the wedding
picture of your father and I, look at him smiling, I
know you’ve seen it many times but what you did not
know is that your father was angry before taking this
picture, I hope you find a man whose anger doesn’t
last till the next day.
• My daughter, when your Father was riding a bicycle,
I was always happy to hop on it and ride with him, not
because I didn’t see those men in their little cars but
because my eyes also saw those men trekking to their
farms.
• My daughter, if you and your husband eat a little
food with love, you both would be satisfied. Times are
not always the same; support him in every phase he’s
passing through.
• My daughter, don’t ever close your laps to your
husband in bed , the day he paid your dowry was the
day you lost your will to do so, don’t be stiff and try
to satisfy him even if you were angry with him
• My daughter, a man would respect you and be more
proud of you if you’re learned and not totally
dependent on him. Strive to make your own money and
while you’re at it, be humble.
• My daughter, under the cocoa tree that I did meet
with your Father was open and good enough for our
discussions, yes; it was open and good enough if you
understand what I mean.
• My daughter, in our time, we had sexy legs and firm
bosoms to show our men , in fact, we had the finest
ones, yet, when we dress, we cover those parts of our
body, not because we were not civilized as you people
would call it, but because we know that the eyes of
men are hungry, many of them would only come, touch
and go their way.
• My daughter, there is this thing you girls now
practice, they say it’s feminism. Well, you can prove to
be equal to a man in the society but please, not in
your marriage because at my old age, I don’t want to
start counting your husbands.
• My daughter, marriage is not a Rehabilitation
Centre, if he’s not good enough for you before
marriage, nothing he does would be good
enough after marriage.
• My daughter, you can see I still wear my night gown ,
yes, because to my husband; your father, I still want
to look sexy. So, take good care of your body, look
good for your man and don’t look like a grandma
after giving birth.
• My daughter, I’m your mother and still, I’m not
interested in you coming to me always if anything goes
wrong with your husband. Though nowadays I see some
mothers controlling the homes of their sons and
daughters, I would only say; shame on them!
• My daughter, for you to have a peaceful home and
well-trained children, have one voice with your
husband, join him to say NO when he’s saying NO
before the kids but later when you both are alone, you
can plead with him for a YES, if not, the children will
see a loophole to misbehave, either to you or their
father.
• My daughter, if you chose to live together with a man
that you’re yet to be married to , and you are
complaining that he hasn’t proposed to you, oh, he
already did. Whatever he said that made you start
living with him was his proposal.
• My daughter, your generation does not see any pride
in been a virgin before marriage, it’s a shame! Your
father met me a virgin and he brought more yams to
my parents and up till today, he’s still proud of me
when we discuss in that direction.
• My daughter, I know that no man out there is
complete, but when you are looking for your tall, slim,
fair and handsome, if he’s a woman-beater, please,
go for the short, fat, dark and ugly that will give you
the respect you deserve as a woman.
• My daughter, know, learn and respect the culture
and lifestyle of whoever you chose to marry . In some
part of Africa, you knee down to greet your man’s
parents while in some part outside Africa; you can
even call them by their first name and ask for a
handshake. Whatever they believe in, if you’ve chosen
him, believe it with him also.
• My daughter, don’t ever try to date a married man,
whether his excuse was that he doesn’t find happiness
with his wife or he would have married you if he had
met you first, if you ever try it, I curse you already.
• My daughter, when I say over 52 years of marriage ,
it wasn’t that I did not see any reason to leave your
father, I saw a lot of them but I bear his faults, i
forgave him to stay married.
• My daughter, these are part of the wisdom i have
gathered over the years. and If I had taken my time
to tell you all these, and your marriage doesn’t last
like that of your father and I, then I had wished i
never gave birth to you.