STRESS MANAGEMENT TIPS

We all have this favorite expression when it comes to being stressed out, and I wouldn't bother naming all of them since it may also vary in different languages. But when it comes down to it, I think that it is how we work or even relax, for that matter that triggers stress. Ever been stressed even when you're well relaxed and bored? I know I have.

 Since Error! Hyperlink reference not valid. is unavoidable in life, it is important to find ways to decrease and prevent stressful incidents and decrease negative reactions to stress. Here are some of the things that can be done by just remembering it, since life is basically a routine to follow like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast. You can do a few of them in a longer span of time, but as they say-- every minute counts. 

Managing time 

Time management skills can allow you more time with your family and friends and possibly increase your performance and productivity. This will help reduce your stress. 

To improve your time management:

 ∑ Save time by focusing and concentrating, delegating, and scheduling time for yourself. 

∑ Keep a record of how you spend your time, including work, family, and leisure time. 

∑ Prioritize your time by rating tasks by importance and urgency. Redirect your time to those activities that are important and meaningful to you. 

∑ Manage your commitments by not over- or undercommitting. Don't commit to what is not important to you. 

∑ Deal with procrastination by using a day planner, breaking large projects into smaller ones, and setting short-term deadlines. 

∑ Examine your beliefs to reduce conflict between what you believe and what your life is like.

 Build healthy coping strategies

 It is important that you identify your coping strategies. One way to do this is by recording the stressful event, your reaction, and how you cope in a stress journal. With this information, you can work to change unhealthy coping strategies into healthy ones-those that help you focus on the positive and what you can change or control in your life.

 Lifestyle 

Some behaviors and lifestyle choices affect your stress level. They may not cause stress directly, but they can interfere with the ways your body seeks relief from stress. 

Try to: 

∑ Balance personal, work, and family needs and obligations. 

∑ Have a sense of purpose in life. 

∑ Get enough sleep, since your body recovers from the stresses of the day while you are sleeping. 

∑ Eat a balanced diet for a nutritional defense against stress. 

∑ Get moderate exercise throughout the week. 

∑ Limit your consumption of alcohol. 

∑ Don't smoke. 

Social support 

Social support is a major factor in how we experience stress. Social support is the positive support you receive from family, friends, and the community. It is the knowledge that you are cared for, loved, esteemed, and valued. More and more research indicates a strong relationship between social support and better mental and physical health. 

Changing thinking 

When an event triggers negative thoughts, you may experience fear, insecurity, anxiety, depression, rage, guilt, and a sense of worthlessness or powerlessness. These emotions trigger the body's stress, just as an actual threat does. Dealing with your negative thoughts and how you see things can help reduce stress.

 ∑ Thought-stopping helps you stop a negative thought to help eliminate stress. ∑ Disproving irrational thoughts helps you to avoid exaggerating the negative thought, anticipating the worst, and interpreting an event incorrectly.

 ∑ Problem solving helps you identify all aspects of a stressful event and find ways to deal with it. ∑ Changing your communication style helps you communicate in a way that makes your views known without making others feel put down, hostile, or intimidated. This reduces the stress that comes from poor communication. Use the assertiveness ladder to improve your communication style. 

Even writers like me can get stressed even though we're just using our hands to do the talking, but having to sit for 7 or 8 hours is already stressful enough and have our own way to relieve stress. Whether you're the mail guy, the CEO, or probably the average working parent, stress is one unwanted visitor you would love to boot out of your homes, especially your life.

CONFLICT SOLUTION

• WHAT IS CONFLICT RESOLUTION?
• WHY SHOULD YOU RESOLVE   CONFLICT?
• WHEN SHOULD YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT?
•HOW SHOULD YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT?
•WHAT IS CONFLICT RESOLUTION?
Conflict, arguments, and change are natural parts of our lives, as well as the lives of every agency, organization, and nation.
Conflict resolution is a way for two or more parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. The disagreement may be personal, financial, political, or emotional.
When a dispute arises, often the best course of action is negotiation to resolve the disagreement

The goals of negotiation are:

-To produce a solution that all parties can agree to
-To work as quickly as possible to find this solution
-To improve, not hurt, the relationship between the groups in conflict
Conflict resolution through negotiation can be good for all parties involved. Often, each side will get more by participating in negotiations than they would by walking away, and it can be a way for your group to get resources that might otherwise be out of reach.

WHY SHOULD YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT?
The main goal of negotiation with your opposition is to come to an agreement that benefits all parties.
Some other good reasons to negotiate are:

-To understand more about those whose ideas, beliefs, and backgrounds may be different from your own. In order to resolve a conflict, you'll need to look at the conflict from your opponent's point of view and learn more about this person or group's perspective and motivations.
-To ensure that your relationships with opponents continue and grow. If you make peace with your opponents, you increase your own allies in the community. Successful negotiations pave the way for smooth relationships in the future.
-To find peaceful solutions to difficult situations. Full-blown battles use up resources -- time, energy, good reputation, motivation. By negotiating, you avoid wasting these resources, and you may actually make new allies and find new resources!

WHEN SHOULD YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT?
Conflict resolution is appropriate for almost any disagreement. Our daily lives offer plenty of opportunities for negotiation - between parents and children, co-workers, friends, etc., and as a result, you probably already have a variety of effective strategies for resolving minor conflicts. But for more serious conflicts, and conflicts between groups rather than individuals, you may need some additional skills. How, for example, should you structure a meeting between your group and your opponent? When should you settle, and when should you fight for more? How should you react if your opponent attacks you personally? Read on for more information on specific conflict resolution techniques.

HOW SHOULD YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT?
There are seven steps to successfully negotiating the resolution of a conflict:
1. Understand the conflict
2. Communicate with the opposition
3. Brainstorm possible resolutions
4. Choose the best resolution
5. Use a third party mediator
6. Explore alternatives
7. Cope with stressful situations and pressure tactics
1. UNDERSTAND THE CONFLICT

Conflicts arise for a variety of different reasons. It is important for you to define clearly your own position and interests in the conflict, and to understand those of your opponent. Here are some questions to ask yourself so that you can better define the conflict.
Inerests
What are my interests?
What do I really care about in this conflict?
What do I want?
What do I need?
What are my concerns, hopes, fears?
Possible Outcomes
What kinds of agreements might we reach?
Legitimacy
What third party, outside of the conflict, might convince one or both of us that a proposed agreement is a fair one?
What objective standard might convince us that an agreement is fair? For example: a law, an expert opinion, the market value of the transaction.
Is there a precedent that would convince us that an agreement is fair?
Their Interests
What are the interests of my opposition?
If I were in their shoes, what would I really care about in this conflict?
What do they want?
What do they need?
What are their concerns, hopes, fears?
Interests play an important role in better understanding conflict. Often, groups waste time "bargaining over positions." Instead of explaining what the interests of their position are, they argue about their "bottom line." This is not a useful way to negotiate, because it forces groups to stick to one narrow position. Once they are entrenched in a particular position, it will be embarrassing for them to abandon it. They may spend more effort on "saving face" than on actually finding a suitable resolution. It is usually more helpful to explore the group's interests, and then see what positions suit such interests.
Example:
Your parent group wants the local high school to change its American history textbook. You feel that the textbook doesn't represent the history of African-Americans, Latinos, and Asian-Americans in the U.S. adequately. You come to the School Committee and say, "The only textbook that works for us is
The People of the United States , and that's final!" You have presented a position rather than your interests. By drawing a bottom line, you're stuck in one position. If you don't convince the School Committee to choose this textbook, you'll lose.
A more effective way to approach the School Committee would be to state your interests. You might say, "We're concerned about the under-representation of racial minorities in the current U.S. history textbook, and would like to find an alternative." By communicating your interests, rather than one position, you are leaving some room to negotiate while still being firm and clear about your goals.
Often, the same interest can have many positions. For example, the School Committee might vote to supplement the history textbook with a packet of articles about minorities; add mandatory units on slavery, the Harlem Renaissance, and Japanese internment camps, or offer a new course about minorities in America. These are different positions that address the same interest.
2. COMMUNICATE WITH THE OPPOSITION
Now that you have thought through your own interests and those of the other party, you can begin to communicate directly with your opposition. Here are some tips for productive talks:
Listen. Their opinions are important to you, because their opinions are the source of your conflict. If something is important to them, you need to recognize this. Recognizing does not mean agreeing, of course!
Let everyone participate who wants to . People who participate will have a stake in a resolution. They will want to find a good compromise.
Talk about your strong emotions . Let the other side let off steam.
Don't, however, react to emotional outbursts! Try an apology instead of yelling back. Apologizing is not costly, and is often a rewarding technique.
Be an active listener . Rephrase what you're hearing as a question: "Let me see if I'm following you. You're saying that... Have I got that right?" You can still be firm when you're listening.
Speak about yourself, not the other party . In the textbook example, you might say, "I feel angry to know that my children are reading this old-fashioned textbook," rather than, "How could you choose such a racist book?"
Be concrete, but flexible. Speak about your interests, not about your position.
Avoid early judgments . Keep asking questions and gathering information.
Don't tell the opposition, "It's up to you to solve your problems." Work to find a solution for everyone .
Find a way to make their decision easy. Try to find a way for them to take your position without looking weak, but don't call it a way for them to "save face." Egos are important in negotiations!
3. BRAINSTORM POSSIBLE RESOLUTIONS
Now that you know what the interests of both parties are, and how to better communicate with the opposition, you can start thinking about solutions. Look at all of the interests you have listed, for you and for your opponents, and look for common interests. Often both parties share many interests -- for example, both groups may want stability and public respect.
Before you hold a brainstorming meeting, think carefully about how you'll set up the meeting. Write a clear purpose statement for the meeting. Try to choose a small group of 5-8 people total. Hold the meeting in a different environment from your usual setting. Make sure the setting is an informal one where people feel comfortable and safe. Find an unbiased facilitator, someone who can structure the meeting without sharing his or her own feelings about the conflict.
To begin brainstorming, decide whether you want to brainstorm with your opposition, or with only your group. In either case, you will want to establish some ground rules.
Work on coming up with as many ideas as possible. Don't judge or criticize the ideas yet -- that might prevent people from thinking creatively.
Try to maximize (not minimize) your options.
Look for win-win solutions, or compromises, in which both parties get something they want.
Find a way to make their decision easy
During the meeting, seat people side by side, facing the "problem"-- a blank chalkboard or large pad of paper for writing down ideas. The facilitator will remind people of the purpose of the meeting, review the ground rules, and ask participants to agree to those rules. During the brainstorming session, the facilitator will write down all ideas on the chalkboard or pad.
4. CHOOSE THE BEST RESOLUTION
After the meeting, you will need to decide which resolution is best. Review your brainstorm ideas. Star the best ideas - these are what you will work with during the conflict resolution process. Set a time to discuss them and determine which idea is the best.
The goal here is to use both groups' skills and resources to get the best result for everyone. Which resolution gives both groups the most? That resolution is probably the best one.
5. USE A THIRD PARTY MEDIATOR
As you are brainstorming and choosing a good resolution, you may want to use a third party mediator. This is a person who is not from your group or your opponent's group, but whom you both trust to be fair. Your mediator can help both sides agree upon a standard by which you'll judge your resolution. Standards are a way to measure your agreement. They include expert opinions, law, precedent (the way things have been done in the past), and accepted principles.
For example:
Let's say you're building a new playground for your town's elementary school. You disagree with the superintendent about what kinds of materials you'll use to build the playground. The superintendent wants to use chemical-treated wood, but you feel it's unsafe. A mediator might read the current guidelines of the lumber industry and tell you which kinds of wood are considered safe for children. Maybe you and the superintendent will agree to follow the lumber industry's advice--in other words, to use that as the standard.
Your mediator could also, for example, run your brainstorming session.
Here are some other possible jobs for a mediator:
Setting ground rules for you and your opponent to agree upon (for example, you might both agree not to publicly discuss the dispute)
Creating an appropriate setting for meetings
Suggesting possible ways to compromise
Being an "ear" for both side's anger and fear
Listening to both sides and explaining their positions to one another
Finding the interests behind each side's positions
Looking for win-win alternatives
Keeping both parties focused, reasonable, and respectful
Preventing any party from feeling that it's "losing face"
Writing the draft of your agreement with the opposition
Perhaps Harriet is considering quitting her job because her boss wants to transfer her to another office. The mediator might say, "It sounds like Harriet doesn't care about transferring to the downtown office. What she's worried about is losing rank. Harriet, do you agree with that? Ms. Snell, do you understand Harriet's concern? How can we assure Harriet that she won't lose rank if she agrees to transfer?"
6. EXPLORE ALTERNATIVES
There may be times when, despite your hard work and good will, you cannot find an acceptable resolution to your conflict. You need to think about this possibility before you begin negotiations. At what point will you decide to walk away from negotiations? What are your alternatives if you cannot reach an agreement with your opponent?
It is important that you brainstorm your alternatives to resolution early on in the negotiation process, and that you always have your best alternative somewhere in the back of your mind. As you consider possible agreements with your opponent, compare them to this "best" alternative. If you don't know what the alternative is, you'll be negotiating without all the necessary information!
In order to come up with an alternative, start by brainstorming. Then, consider the pros and cons of each alternative. Think about which alternative is realistic and practical. Also think about how you can make it even better.
At the same time, don't forget to put yourself in the shoes of your opposition. What alternatives might they have? Why might they choose them? What can you do to make your choice better than their alternative?
Roger Fisher and Danny Ertel call this alternative your BATNA -- Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. You can read more about BATNA in their book Getting Ready to Negotiate .
7. COPE WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS AND PRESSURE TACTICS
So far, we've talked about how to negotiate with a fairly reasonable opponent. However, you need to be prepared to negotiate with all kinds of opponents, both reasonable and unreasonable. What if your opponent is more powerful and influential that you are? What if they refuse to meet or talk with you?
All of these situations are stressful, and intended to put extra pressure on you to make a quick decision in the opposition's favor. When a situation like this takes place, stay calm and go slow. Don't get angry or make a rushed decision. Instead, talk about the pressure tactic without judging.
HERE ARE SOME POSSIBLE SITUATIONS:
My opponent is more powerful
If you have already decided on your best alternative, you have nothing to fear. You can walk away at any time, and go that route instead. Think about everything that you can do, and that your mediator can do. Although you may be less powerful, at least you will be negotiating with all the available information.
My opponent won't budge
In a situation like this, you may be tempted to do the same thing: "If you won't change your mind, neither will I!" However, you will fail if you insist on sticking to your position. Instead, treat your opponent's position as a real possibility. Ask lots of questions. Listen to their logic. Understand what their interests are, and what it is that they really want. Learn what their criticisms of your idea are. The more you know about where they're coming from, the better a resolution you can create.
IN SUMMARY
In conflict resolution, the best solution is the solution that is best for both sides. Of course, that's not always possible to find, but you should use all your resources to solve your conflict as smoothly as you can.

TO THOSE WHO ARE HEARTBROKEN ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS

TO THOSE WHO ARE HEARTBROKEN ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS !! !! !! !!
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1. Why am I crying Now.
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2. Was I meant to cry, if s/he is the right person for me now.
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3. Why did s/he make me cry and even left me for no good reason.
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4. Did I worthy this.
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5. Does s/he fail to sleep and eat just like me, or s/he is out there having fun with other new people.
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6. Is that person stressed like me.
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7. Does s/he feel any pains just like me?
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8. Does that person miss me at all?
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After answering all those questions then get down on your kneed and pray to God to make you to be Strong and to help you find someone who will love You genuinely with no limitations, pretense, peer pressure....
Someone who will be faithful and honest to you.
Someone who will be caring about you, who will be serious with you.
Someone who won't be after your body or money..........
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Trust me God will help you find someone who will erase away all that pains in your heart, who will appreciate everything you have.
Someone who will sacrifice for you without complaining, someone who will feel your love and care..
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So for now Please Stop calling, texting, pleading and crying for your HEARTLESS EX BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND. Becos you are Just wasting your time,
You are just laughing matters to him or her.
Just try live your life, You will find someone who is worthy your heart...........
Trust me one day your EX Will also miss You, s/he will try to contact you and even to ask you for FORGIVENESS, but it will be too later for him or her,
Relax for now... Don't rush to fall in LOVE Again, give yourself TIME, know your self better enjoy the stress free single life. As you are preparing for someone better in your life that will protect you and pray for you always....
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You will be Happy again one day..
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May God help you in finding the right partner !!
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LET'S STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

She's got flowers!
It wasn't her birthday or any other special day.
They had their first fight, and he said many cruel things that really hurt her.
She knows that he is sorry and that he would not say those things again, because he sent her flowers.

She received flowers again!
It was not for their anniversary or any other special day.
Last night, he pushed her against a wall and started to choke her.
It seemed like a nightmare, she couldn't believe it was real.
When she woke the next morning her body was painful and bruised.
She knows that he must be sorry, because he sent her flowers to forgive.

She received flowers yet again!
And this was not mother's day or any other special day.
Once again, he has beaten her, it was much more violent than other times.
If she leaves, what would she do?
How would she care for her children?
And financial problems?
She is afraid of him, but is scared to go.
And she knows that he must be sorry because, as usual, he sent her flowers to forgive.

Today, was a very special day!
She have received piles of bouquets of flowers from all those who knew her and who loved her!
It was her funeral.
Last night, he finally killed her. He beat her to death.
If only She had found enough courage to leave,
She would have not received so many flowers today!

TRUE FACTS

TRUE FACTS !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!
~Sleeping alone is better than sharing your BED with someone who shares a BED with someone else when you're not around...!
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~Cheating doesn't mean you have to kiss, meet or have sex with a third party. Once you find yourself deleting texts and e-mails so your partner wont see them, you are already there.
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~ If a man is crazy about you, pray he doesn't get well, if he is getting well, know that another woman is giving him some tablets.
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~First love may not die, but true love can bury it.
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~If you still believe "LOVE IS BLIND" then i know for sure MARRIAGE WILL OPEN IT FOR YOU.
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~A woman's beautiful face attracts a flirt; A woman's beautiful heart attracts a lover; A woman's beautiful character attracts a man.
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~Don't fall in love because you are lonely, fall in love because you are ready.
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~A blessed water is better than a cursed fried rice. A Godly Poor Man is far better than an Angry Rich Man in marriage.
~I will rather have you stay in your father's house that you are sure of, than pack into a man's house you are not sure of.
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~Most men base their capacity of manhood and their abilities to fertilize ovaries and produce children. Any man can impregnate a woman. The real deal is HOW MANY MEN CAN BE THE FATHER TO THEIR CHILDREN, not promoters of ABORTION?
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~HOLY Wives don't just speak in tongues, they MANAGE their homes, make SUPER meals, raise GODLY kids, and bring out the KING in their man.
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~When you tend to your garden diligently you will be the one to reap the fruit of the vine thereof....
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~You can say "sorry" a million times, say "I love you" as much as you want, say whatever you want,
But if you're not going to prove that the things you say are true, then don't say anything at all. Because if you can't show it, your words don’t mean a thing.
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~Don't lie in order to satisfy somebody for a moment, because the pain that you cause them in the future can last them for a lifetime.

Oduor Otieno !! !! !! !!

DIFFERENT WAYS TO HEAL YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

A Different Way to Heal Your Self-Esteem

To say that our self-esteem is low is to compare it to something higher.  But to be able to attain that higher degree could only mean that there is still something beyond that.  How high is high enough?  How much increase is really necessary?  In truth, it is not an increase in self esteem that we should aim for, but a complete healing of our wounded sense of self worth.

You Need To Rebuild From The Ground Up

Before we could attain true healing, we must first recognize our wounds. Before we could rebuild our sense of worth, we must first acknowledge how broken it really is.

Where is your self esteem founded? How firm is that foundation from which it is currently built?

Are you confident because you are beautiful? But what if you mingle among others who are more beautiful than you?  And for how long will you stay that way?  What happens when you grow old and that beauty fades?

Are you secure with your success? What if the business or the reputation you’ve built suddenly falls?  What are you worth by then?  For how long could you hold on to your riches?  Can you still enjoy any of it as your body rots in the grave?

All our efforts of increasing our self esteem is futile for in the end, all such efforts lead only to fear, the fear of losing everything we have ever gained.

There Is a Different Way to Heal

The healing of our wounds can no longer depend on the external actions we take such as working harder, eating healthier, or studying longer hours.  The only way to healing is to be healed from withinbecause our wounds are not wounds of the body, but of the soul.

Deep in one’s soul, we feel a great emptiness and uncertainty.  We feel compelled to measure up to the standards of other people while at the same time, not being able to measure up to our own sense of wholeness.

We try to be strong, yet it seems we could never be strong enough.  We even try to be good, but we could never be holy enough.  We are always followed by our sense of shame, and so we hide ourselves withmasks of perfection and of beauty.   Beyond that mask however, we feel inadequate, and we feel tired of trying over and over again.

How We Could Achieve Healing

Healing begins when we STOP our frantic efforts to keep up with others.  Healing begins when we are able to face our worst pictures of ourselves and still believe that we are worth something.

What are you worth?

You are worth more than you ever thought yourself to be.  You are worth more than your body or your intelligence or your strength.  You are worth more than your success and your riches.  These things are given you but they are not the essence of who you are.

Your real worth is your likeness to God Himself. It is that spark which came from ancient times, that breath which made you think and move and love.

Because you can be a vessel of God’s joy, you are worth something.  Because you can be an object of His love, you are worth so much more than all the stars combined.

Your worth is not in what you possess, but in Him who possesses you.

Your worth is not in how you can cover up your imperfections, but in how God can make you perfect by receiving all that He could ever give to you.

Only in losing everything can you realize how broken you are.  Only in being broken can you be healed by knowing how valuable you are to the only One who can heal you.

Below are common areas of our self esteem’s woundedness.  Let us try to find their healing by bringing them to the light of God’s love for us.

Common Areas of Our Woundedness

1. Beauty

Even the most beautiful among us will grow old someday.  The beauty that we envy now is but a fleeting joy.  Others are not more worthy to be loved just because they are beautiful.  We become beautiful because of God’s great love for us.

2. Intelligence

Our intellect, no matter how advanced it may be is nothing as compared with the minds of angels.  And angels, no matter how great their wisdom may be is nothing as compared to the depths of God’s wisdom.  God can grant us an insight we could never find in all the books of the world, but this is not the reason why we should feel more worthy or less worthy in His Presence.

3. Strength

We have but a limited time on earth. The healthiest and the strongest among us cannot even live for two centuries.  To base our worth with our physical strength is to look down on people just because they are disabled or sick or dying.  Every man has God’s dignity in him no matter his physical strength.

4. Wealth/Success

The material things we own will someday rot and decay.  Nothing can last forever except God’s love.  Wealth does not indicate that one man is better than the other for we know not where such wealth has come from.  One man may be silently accomplishing God’s will in His life and reaping eternal fruits that have not yet been revealed in the current time.

5. Social Skills

Other people may be better at mingling in social events and in communicating with other people.  They appear attractive, they attract the admiration of many.  But not everyone who is praised is really good.  Many are even criticized for standing up for the truth.   There are people who are not adept at socializing with other men, but in their silent prayers, they can reach God’s Presence, and in this, they can find their joy.

6. Talent

What is talent?  It is but a gift from God, and for this, no one should boast.  Each one is given a unique gift for in truth, we are God’s wonderful gift to each other.  Let each one mind his own and improve the gift he is given.

7. Goodness/ Holiness

Only God is good.  No person is really holy no matter how good he or she appears to be.  If we had no need to be saved from ourselves, Jesus wouldn’t have died for us all.  Let none boast therefore that he is kinder or braver or more patient.  We do not earn God’s love with our goodness.  We become good because God has guided us patiently towards the path of His goodness.  All that we can offer God is our gratitude for all the MERCY that we have been given.

SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE HAVE 2 THINGS

Successful people have two things on their lips, "smile and silence". Smile can solve problems, whiles Silence can avoid problems. Sugar
and salt may be mixed together but ants reject the salt and carry away only the sugar. Select the right people in life and make your
life better and sweeter. If you fail to achieve your dreams,change your ways not your God. Remember, trees change their leaves and
not their roots. God bless u. You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones to every dog that barks.
Haters will see you walking on water and say its because you can't swim.
Even if you dance on water, Your enemies will accuse you of raising dust.
Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your own hands (1 Thessalonians 4 :11)
Remember Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

Be Composed and Respond To Life

The cockroach theory for self development
At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from
somewhere and sat on a lady.
She started screaming out of fear.
With a panic stricken face and trembling voice,
she started jumping, with both her hands
desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.
Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her
group also got panicky.
The lady finally managed to push the cockroach
away but ...it landed on another lady in the
group.
Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the
group to continue the drama.
The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.
In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell
upon the waiter.
The waiter stood firm, composed himself and
observed the behavior of the cockroach on his
shirt.
When he was confident enough, he grabbed it
with his fingers and threw it out of the
restaurant.
Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement,
the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts
and started wondering, was the cockroach
responsible for their histrionic behavior?
If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?
He handled it near to perfection, without any
chaos.
It is not the cockroach, but the inability of those
people to handle the disturbance caused by the
cockroach, that disturbed the ladies.
I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father
or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it's
my inability to handle the disturbances caused by
their shouting that disturbs me.
It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs
me, but my inability to handle the disturbance
caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.
More than the problem, it's my reaction to the
problem that creates chaos in my life.
Lessons learnt from the story:
I understood, I should not react in life.
I should always respond.
The women reacted, whereas the waiter
responded.
Reactions are always instinctive whereas
responses are always well thought of.
A beautiful way to understand.....
.......LIFE.
Person who is HAPPY is not because Everything
is RIGHT in his Life..
He is HAPPY because his Attitude towards
Everything in his Life is Right..!!

YOUR 7 DAY STRESS MANAGEMENT.

"Have One Week, Will Relax" Your 7 days program to Stress management
They say there's more than one way to skin a cat. The same goes when you start tearing your hair out with all the frustration, grief, anxiety, and yes, stress. It's a state of mental conditioning that is like taking that bitter pill down your throat, causing you to lose your sense of self, and worse your sanity. Just thinking about it can drive anyone off the edge. And they say that the proactive ones are already living off the edge. As one stressed-out person to another, I know how it feels, and believe me there are many variants when it comes to stress. Coping with life, and carrying the problems that may or may not belong to you can scratch away the little joy and happiness that you can carry once you head out that door. You can't blame them for being like that; they have their own reasons, so much like we have our reasons to allow stress to weigh us down. They say that stress is all in the mind, well, what's bugging you anyway? There are several ways to manage stress, and eventually remove it out of your life one of these days. So I'll try to divide it into a seven-day course for you and I promise it's not going to be too taxing on the body, as well as on the mind.

1. Acknowledge stress is good Make stress your friend! Based on the body's natural "fight or flight" response, that burst of energy will enhance your performance at the right moment. I've yet to see a top sportsman totally relaxed before a big competition. Use stress wisely to push yourself that little bit harder when it counts most.

2. Avoid stress sneezers Stressed people sneeze stress germs indiscriminately and before you know it, you are infected too! Protect yourself by recognizing stress in others and limiting your contact with them. Or if you've got the inclination, play stress doctor and teach them how to better manage themselves.

3. Learn from the best When people around are losing their head, who keeps calm? What are they doing differently? What is their attitude? What language do they use? Are they trained and experienced? Figure it out from afar or sit them down for a chat. Learn from the best stress managers and copy what they do.

4. Practice socially acceptable heavy breathing This is something I've learned from a gym instructor: You can trick your body into relaxing by using heavy breathing. Breathe in slowly for a count of 7 then breathe out for a count of 11. Repeat the 7-11 breathing until your heart rate slows down, your sweaty palms dry off and things start to feel more normal.

5. Give stressy thoughts the red light It is possible to tangle yourself up in a stress knot all by yourself. "If this happens, then that might happen and then we're all up the creek!" Most of these things never happen, so why waste all that energy worrying needlessly? Give stress thought-trains the red light and stop them in their tracks. Okay so it might go wrong - how likely is that, and what can you do to prevent it?

6. Know your trigger points and hot spots Presentations, interviews, meetings, giving difficult feedback, tight deadlines. My heart rate is cranking up just writing these down! Make your own list of stress trigger points or hot spots. Be specific. Is it only presentations to a certain audience that get you worked up? Does one project cause more stress than another? Did you drink too much coffee? Knowing what causes you stress is powerful information, as you can take action to make it less stressful. Do you need to learn some new skills? Do you need extra resources? Do you need to switch to decaf?

7. Burn the candle at one end Lack of sleep, poor diet and no exercise wreaks havoc on our body and mind. Kind of obvious, but worth mentioning as it's often ignored as a stress management technique. Listen to your mother and don't burn the candle at both ends! So having stress can be a total drag, but that should not hinder us to find the inner peace of mind that we have wanted for a long time. In any case, one could always go to the mombasa beach and bask under the summer sun. Check it out Nice

LIFE LESSON FROM AN OLD MAN ABOUT TO DIE

LIFE LESSON FROM AN OLD MAN ABOUT TO DIE..
Doctor, Don’t worry. I know I am going to die. I didn’t want to come here but they brought me here. Please don’t worry about me, look at my hair, they are gone. I am so old but you are so young. I have learnt a lot from life, if you don’t mind I will tell you some of them before I die.
When I was 4 years, I use to think the world is about me. When I turn 14, I wanted to rule the world. I thought I will be the greatest man that ever live. When I was 21, I wanted to be the richest man, when I was 25, I wanted to find love, when I was 40, I wanted to be helpful to everyone. Now that I am here, I want to die. You see, I wanted so many things at so many time.
Most importantly, I wanted to be happy. I thought the best way to be happy is to listen to others.
When I wanted to join the University, I wanted to study Zoology but everyone said I should study Engineering that I will be a great Engineer. So I listened to them. I had no one to pay my fees, I had to work and also pay my fees. In my third year, I couldn’t cope with my studies, I had to drop. When I dropped, same people told me you should have studied Zoology!
When I turned 28, everyone said I should marry. That I need a wife. So I listened to them, I got Married. 6 years into the marriage, I caught my wife sleeping with my neighbour. I asked her why and she slapped me. I was angry and didn’t say anything. The next day I returned from work,I she has ran away with my children, now I am dying a lonely man.
At 40, I got a 10 million Kenya shillings contract. My name was in the news. The next day, all my friend and family were at my house, everyone had a serious problem. Within one week, I spent all the money on them with the promise that they will pay back. I could not complete the contract because they refused to give me the money back as promised. So I was sent to jail for 6 years. I stayed in jail and I came out. When I came out, they were nowhere.
There was one mistake I made through all this time. Now it is clear to me. Let me tell you about it.
I refused to listen to myself. I Ignored my own self and listen to others. Now that I am here the only person that is with me is myself.
You see, it is very good to listen to others. It is very wise to seek advice from other. But is very dangerous to ignore your own self. It is very very dangerous to refuse to pay attention to your heart.
When you get home this night. Sit down, take a glass of water. Close your eyes if you want or open it if you want, then talk to yourself. Reason with yourself.
You can walk down the road alone and as you walk begin to talk to yourself
The only person that can overrule yourself is God, after God, listen to yourself next.
I know it may not make sense to you know but always remember I told you LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOURSELF..
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SPIRITUAL GROWTH

To grow spiritually in a world defined by power, money, and influence is a Herculean task. Modern conveniences such as electronic equipments, gadgets, and tools as well as entertainment through television, magazines, and the web have predisposed us to confine our attention mostly to physical needs and wants. As a result, our concepts of self-worth and self-meaning are muddled. How can we strike a balance between the material and spiritual aspects of our lives? To grow spiritually is to look inward. Introspection goes beyond recalling the things that happened in a day, week, or month. You need to look closely and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and motivations. Periodically examining your experiences, the decisions you make, the relationships you have, and the things you engage in provide useful insights on your life goals, on the good traits you must sustain and the bad traits you have to discard. Moreover, it gives you clues on how to act, react, and conduct yourself in the midst of any situation. Like any skill, introspection can be learned; all it takes is the courage and willingness to seek the truths that lie within you. Here are some pointers when you introspect: be objective, be forgiving of yourself, and focus on your areas for improvement. To grow spiritually is to develop your potentials. Religion and science have differing views on matters of the human spirit. Religion views people as spiritual beings temporarily living on Earth, while science views the spirit as just one dimension of an individual. Mastery of the self is a recurring theme in both Christian (Western) and Islamic (Eastern) teachings. The needs of the body are recognized but placed under the needs of the spirit. Beliefs, values, morality, rules, experiences, and good works provide the blueprint to ensure the growth of the spiritual being. In Psychology, realizing oneís full potential is to self-actualize. Maslow identified several human needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and self-transcendence. James earlier categorized these needs into three: material, emotional, and spiritual. When you have satisfied the basic physiological and emotional needs, spiritual or existential needs come next. Achieving each need leads to the total development of the individual. Perhaps the difference between these two religions and psychology is the end of self-development: Christianity and Islam see that self-development is a means toward serving God, while psychology view that self-development is an end by itself. To grow spiritually is to search for meaning. Religions that believe in the existence of God such as Christianism, Judaism, and Islam suppose that the purpose of the human life is to serve the Creator of all things. Several theories in psychology propose that we ultimately give meaning to our lives. Whether we believe that lifeís meaning is pre-determined or self-directed, to grow in spirit is to realize that we do not merely exist. We do not know the meaning of our lives at birth; but we gain knowledge and wisdom from our interactions with people and from our actions and reactions to the situations we are in. As we discover this meaning, there are certain beliefs and values that we reject and affirm. Our lives have purpose. This purpose puts all our physical, emotional, and intellectual potentials into use; sustains us during trying times; and gives us something to look forward to---a goal to achieve, a destination to reach. A person without purpose or meaning is like a drifting ship at sea. To grow spiritually is to recognize interconnections. Religions stress the concept of our relatedness to all creation, live and inanimate. Thus we call other people ìbrothers and sistersî even if there are no direct blood relations. Moreover, deity-centered religions such as Christianity and Islam speak of the relationship between humans and a higher being. On the other hand, science expounds on our link to other living things through the evolution theory. This relatedness is clearly seen in the concept of ecology, the interaction between living and non-living things. In psychology, connectedness is a characteristic of self-transcendence, the highest human need according to Maslow. Recognizing your connection to all things makes you more humble and respectful of people, animals, plants, and things in nature. It makes you appreciate everything around you. It moves you to go beyond your comfort zone and reach out to other people, and become stewards of all other things around you. Growth is a process thus to grow in spirit is a day-to-day encounter. We win some, we lose some, but the important thing is that we learn, and from this knowledge, further spiritual growth is made possible.

GIRL TAKE CARE OF YOUR EGGS

Dear my 16 year old Princess Flora
.
Flora, The world is not what you think it
is trust me.
.
I understand this is a point in your life
where you feel like you're on top of the
world..a point where your breasts don't
need a bra for support, curves more
appealing than those of your sisters and
hungry men chasing after you.
.
It's that time of your life where your phone
never stops ringing.Your wish is their
command..you are the most high.
.
Ok we get that and we're totally not jealous.
.
The thing is, in your mind you think you can
handle men. You think they're stupid. You
think they want Love and attention as you
do
.
Let me tell you then..your sisters were once
16.They had the same mentality as yours.
Guess what happened..
.
They got screwed and dumped. Others are
sick as you read here.
.
Men will never give up with you. Until they
get that flower,You'll get their full attention
even when you don't need it.
.
I want to save you from yourself. I want to
give you the heads up because I care.
.
You're still young with various opportunities
to choose from. You still have time to
become whatever you dream of.
.
Don't let a fully grown man with
Brentwoods destroy your future. Say "NO"
and mean it.
.
Flora.
.
The only relationship I approve is between
you and your books. That's all..

LIFE IS ABOUT CHOICES AND DECISIONS WE MAKE

Life is About Choices and the Decisions We Make Tip

Life is like a road. There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight paths. In our life many roads would come our way as we journey through life. There are roads that lead to a life of single blessedness, marriage, and religious vocation. There are also roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads towards victory and jubilation, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment. Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. Perhaps the most perplexing road that you would encounter is a crossroad. With four roads to choose from and with limited knowledge on where they would go, which road will you take? What is the guarantee that we would choose the right one along the way? Would you take any road, or just stay where you are: in front of a crossroad? There are no guarantees. You do not really know where a road will lead you until you take it. There are no guarantees. This is one of the most important things you need to realize about life. Nobody said that choosing to do the right thing all the time would always lead you to happiness.
Loving someone with all your heart does not guarantee that it would be returned.
Gaining fame and fortune does not guarantee happiness.
Accepting a good word from an influential superior to cut your trip short up the career ladder is not always bad, especially if you are highly qualified and competent. There are too many possible outcomes, which your really cannot control. The only thing you have power over is the decisions that you will make, and how you would act and react to different situations. Wrong decisions are always at hindsight. Had you known that you were making a wrong decision, would you have gone along with it? Perhaps not, why would you choose a certain path when you know it would get you lost? Why make a certain decision if you knew from the very beginning that it is not the right one. It is only after you have made a decision and reflected on it that you realize its soundness. If the consequences or outcomes are good for you, then you have decided correctly. Otherwise, your decision was wrong.

Take the risk: decide. Since life offers no guarantee and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well take the risk and decide. It is definitely better than keeping yourself in limbo. Although it is true that one wrong turn could get you lost, it could also be that such a turn could be an opportunity for an adventure, moreover open more roads. It is all a matter of perspective. You have the choice between being a lost traveller or an accidental tourist of life. But take caution that you do not make decisions haphazardly. Taking risks is not about being careless and stupid. Here are some pointers that could help you choose the best option in the face of lifeís crossroads:

∑ Get as many information as you can about your situation. You cannot find the confidence to decide when you know so little about what you are faced with. Just like any news reporter, ask the 5 Wís: what, who, when, where, and why. What is the situation? Who are the people involved? When did this happen? Where is this leading? Why are you in this situation? These are just some of the possible questions to ask to know more about your situation. This is important. Oftentimes, the reason for indecision is the lack of information about a situation.

∑ Identify and create options. What options do the situation give you? Sometimes the options are few, but sometimes they are numerous. But what do you do when you think that the situation offers no options? This is the time that you create your own. Make your creative mind work. From the most simplistic to the most complicated, entertain all ideas. Do not shoot anything down when an idea comes to your head. Sometimes the most outrageous idea could prove to be the right one in the end. You can ask a friend to help you identify options and even make more options if you encounter some difficulty, but make sure that you make the decision yourself in the end.

∑ Weigh the pros and cons of every option. Assess each option by looking at the advantages and disadvantages it offers you. In this way, you get more insights about the consequences of such an option.

∑ Trust yourself and make that decision. Now that you have assessed your options, it is now time to trust yourself. Remember that there are no guarantees and wrong decisions are always at hindsight. So chooseÖ decideÖ believe that you are choosing the best option at this point in time.

Now that you have made a decision, be ready to face its consequences: good and bad. It may take you to a place of promise or to a land of problems. But the important thing is that you have chosen to live your life instead of remaining a bystander or a passive audience to your own life. Whether it is the right decision or not, only time can tell. But do not regret it whatever the outcome. Instead, learn from it and remember that you always have the chance to make better decisions in the future.

WHO'S THE BOSS

Who's the Boss?

Description:At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don't follow it.

6. Squash the "ANTs"
In his book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," Dr. Daniel Amen talks about "ANTs" - Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like "Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me," or "The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!" My lecturer Mr Mbwiria said that  When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin', Touchin' and Squeezin' (Your Friends and Family)
You don't have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn't touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person
Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination
If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It's never productive, because it's not rational or solution-oriented, it's just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

When it comes to the corporate world, protocol is pretty much the religion. To know the things needed to do

IMPOSSIBLE IS JUST A WORD

Impossible is Just a Word

Description:Everyone, at some point of his or her life, has dreamed of being somebody special, somebody big.
Who hasn't fantasized about being the one who hits the game-winning homer? Who hasn't dreamed of being the homecoming queen? And how many times have we dreamed of being rich, or successful, or happy with our relationships?

Often, we dream big dreams and have great aspirations. Unfortunately, our dreams remain just that ñ dreams. And our aspirations easily collect dust in our attic.

This is a sad turn of events in our life. Instead of experiencing exciting adventures in self actualization, we get caught up in the humdrum of living from day-to-day just barely existing.

But you know what? Life could be so much better, if only we learned to aim higher.

The most common problem to setting goals is the word impossible. Most people get hung up thinking I can't do this. It's too hard. It's too impossible. No one can do this.

However, if everyone thought that, there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human accomplishment.

Remember that scientists were baffled when they took a look at the humble bumblebee. Theoretically, they said, it was impossible for the bumblebee to fly. Unfortunately for the bumble, bee no one has told it so. So fly it does.

On the other hand, some people suffer from dreaming totally outrageous dreams and not acting on them. The result? Broken dreams, and tattered aspirations.

If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will never be able to break past what you deem impossible. If you reach too far out into the sky without working towards your goal, you will find yourself clinging on to the impossible dream.

Try this exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down some goals in your life. Under one header, list down things ëyou know you can doí. Under another header, write the things ëyou might be able to do.í And under one more, list the things that that are ëimpossible for you to do.í

Now look at all the headers strive every day to accomplish the goals that are under things ëyou know you can doí. Check them when you are able to accomplish them. As you slowly are able to check all of your goals under that heading, try accomplishing the goals under the other header-the one that reads ëyou might be able to do.í

As of the items you wrote under things I could do are accomplished, you can move the goals that are under things that are ëimpossible for you to doí to the list of things ëyou might be able to do.í

As you iterate through this process, you will find out that the goals you thought were impossible become easier to accomplish. And the impossible begin to seem possible after all.

You see, the technique here is not to limit your imagination. It is to aim high, and start working towards that goal little by little. However, it also is unwise to set a goal that is truly unrealistic.

Those who just dream towards a goal without working hard end up disappointed and disillusioned.

On the other hand, if you told someone a hundred years ago that it was possible for man to be on the moon, they would laugh at you. If you had told them that you could send mail from here to the other side of the world in a few seconds, they would say you were out of your mind. But, through sheer desire and perseverance, these impossible dreams are now realities.

Thomas Edison once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Nothing could be truer. For one to accomplish his or her dreams, there has to be had work and discipline. But take note that that 1% has to be a think-big dream, and not some easily accomplished one.

Ask any gym rat and he or she will tell you that there can be no gains unless you are put out of your comfort zone. Remember the saying, ìNo pain, no gainî? That is as true as it can be.

So dream on, friend! Donít get caught up with your perceived limitations. Think big and work hard to attain those dreams. As you step up the ladder of progress, you will just about find

I WISH I TALKED TO MY DAUGHTER

I pity Baba Florence each and every time I see him. He is very close friend of mine and a neighbor in Seme.
He used to brag to me a lot about his daughter. He would tell me of how his daughter was passing with flying colors in class, how his daughter had big dreams of becoming a nurse and make a difference in her village. He would tell me of how teachers praised her daughter each and every time he went to visit her.
To him everything seemed perfect.
Despite being very poor he gave his daughter everything she needed. I remember some time back he had to skip breakfast and lunch for a week just to save enough money to buy her daughter a new pair of uniform.
He really loved his daughter so much
He thought he had done everything that he needed to do as a father and as a parent. She was her only hope.
It was not long until Baba Florence got a heartbreaking news from her daughter who was sent away from school by the head teacher ***** primary school. Florence was pregnant, at 15!
Baba Florence was so shocked that he collapsed.
He could not believe what her daughter uttered to him.
“Why is God punishing me this way he cried out loud? Haven`t I suffered enough God? You have put me in poverty and now you bring shame to me? Why my daughter? Why my only hope?”
Baba Florence was so heartbroken he turned to his daughter as tears cascaded down his cheeks, “my daughter why are you so ungrateful? Why decide to repay me this way after all the struggle and suffering I have gone through just because of you.”
Baba Florence did not want to be the laughing stock in the village so he decided to give away his only daughter to his relatives who live in Uwasi, the other side of Siaya County, to take care of her.
Florence would deliver safely and join the Teen Moms Of Action For Gods Love  Club, but she would never see the inside of a classroom again.
Her dream was shuttered completely
Baba Florence gnashes his teeth wishing he had talked to his lovely daughter about sex.
“If only my love would have extended to provision of sexuality information……,” his voice trails off.
Parents have a huge role to play in providing sex education to their children. They should never shy away when it comes to discussing sex related issues with their children.

Society Must Create Enabling Environment For Youths To Thrive

Society Must Create Enabling Environment for Youth To Thrive

Ever seen that advertisement of a young man stranded at the shop asking for packets of biscuit because he couldn’t stand the shame of buying a condom in a crowded shop? He then leaves the shop after a while only to find the girl gone. Do you think the man will shop for a condom next time??

How comfortable are young people accessing sexual and reproductive health services, including just buying condoms? Isn’t it interesting that a society that despises teenage mothers and frowns upon abortions, judges young people that access these services?

What’s the consistency in that??

Wouldn’t an enabling environment for use of contraceptives tackle most of the challenges facing our young people?

The society is so judgmental when it comes to teenage affairs. You cannot talk about your sexual needs and problems to the society. They will actually see you as a bad person, a pervert and a spoilt brat who wants to spoil others.

A boy and a girl cannot be seen together in this society. All that people think is that whenever a boy is with a girl all they can afford to talk about is sex se sex. They punish them in the name of correcting them while in the real sense they are marking things worse. This only forces these teenagers to do things behind their back.

Where is the stand? Youths caught up in this confusion end up making wrong decision hence increase in STDs, abortion and unwanted pregnancies.

The society must create an enabling environment where young people thrive and are not inhibited.

THE FORGOTTEN POPULATION

The Forgotten Population

(In the photo is Young girls carry water on the train tracks that run through the Kibera)

Currently urban poverty is gradually surpassing rural poverty. According to data from the Word Bank, by 2030 poverty will become more predominant in urban areas. It is estimated that in Kenya about 43% of the urban population is poor and majority of them live in slums.

It is here in the slums that most of the people suffer and experience reproductive health problems. No one is actually there to help them since most of the development programs in Kenya are mainly focused in rural areas.

The slum population usually experience high rate of diseases including sexually transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS. There is a high HIV prevalence in the ghetto among women and this is caused by gender inequality.

It is in these same slums that there is a high mortality rate. According to a study done in Nairobi slums it was concluded that HIV and TB are the root cause of about 50% of the mortality burden.

Also, it is in these slums where high child mortality is experienced. This is usually caused by child malnutrition and diseases. For most slum dwellers taking children for clinic visits is a luxury they can’t afford.

Sexual violence, especially rape against women, is another common occurrence in this forgotten population. A good example is in Nairobi ghettos where a quarter of the teenage girl’s population are raped each year. This is a serious issue and it has to stop because it leads to other problems such as early and unwanted pregnancy which may lead to unsafe abortion and even death.

Maternal mortality is also common in slum areas due to early pregnancies among teenagers, unsafe abortions and poor health care services. Most of the women usually deliver and home because most health care services does not exist in the slums. This is a big problem because it risks the mother’s health and the child too.

Domestic violence is also common among women in the slums. Sometimes these violence may lead to death and some health complications.

In as much as these areas may pass as urban areas that are doing well, the reality is that policy makers must factor in this crucial population in their programming and policy making.

THEY CALL ME SMELLY JOYCE

They Call Me Smelly Joyce

She slowly climbs into the matatu and firmly plants herself into the ‘sambaza’ (the wooden boards that matatu crew put on aisles as seats for extra passengers). The other passengers heave a collective sigh of relief. The last passenger in, it means that the matatu can surely be on its way now.

The excitement is however short-lived.

They twitch their noses in severe discomfort and reach for the windows.

The new passenger smells like a burst pipe of raw sewage.

The man next to her can’t hide his disappointment in her hygiene.

“Yawa, Lake Victoria imejaa maji mingi, si uoge hata siku moja. Watu kama nyinyi ndo maana baba haezi shinda kura”

(Go take a shower in Lake Victoria)

If the words stung, you couldn’t tell it from her expressionless face.

She remained impassive. Like a deaf. Like she wasn’t the one being talked to.

Jane* has endured more taunts in her lifetime than you can probably imagine. She’s just in her late thirties but you would be forgiven for thinking she’s an old grandmother.

She is among the three thousand women who succumb to obstetric fistulas every year in Kenya.

The condition may not have killed her, but it has drained her of all the life within.

She says society has cast her aside like a spent car.

Despite the high numbers of women who continue to curse every day of their lives due to this conditions that makes them unable to control their piss and stool, this disease hasn’t been addressed with the same vigor victims have been ostracized.

But women with fistulas require more than acts of kindness. They need more than just our indifference.

They require attention.

They need to be restored back to full health. They need to experience right to dignity as enshrined in our supreme laws.

However, this remains a mirage if Jane isn’t aware that her condition is treatable or that Kenyatta National Hospital has the powers to restore her smile back.

But increasing fistulas are just a manifestation of a leaking healthcare system. She probably underwent a prolonged, obstructed labour without timely medical intervention probably due to inaccessibility to health facility during childbirth.

Now, she has to survive eight hours of taunts as she travels to Nairobi for a corrective surgery.

County governments must now step up and ensure universal access to healthcare. They have unprecedented opportunity to reign in on their local endemic and emerging challenges.

This however goes deeper than treating the sick. It needs to go beyond ensuring access to services and information.

Tackling fistulas require taking care of underneath issues like teenage pregnancy, high fertility rates, non-youth friendly reproductive health services among others.

Now more than ever, we need to take care of adolescents and youths, not just to reduce the burden of disease now and later in life ,to ensure a healthy generation ,to  harness demographic dividend but also as an inalienable human rights

LOUD WHISPERS OF MISERY

Loud Whispers of Misery

She cuts the figure of a run-down woman almost crumbling at the sheer weight of the world on her tiny shoulders.

Atieno* is just sixteen years old, yet in her tiny world, she has been to hell and back.

When we meet Atieno at her grandmother’s house in Uwasi village, she tells us about her unhealed scars.

Yet Atieno doesn’t exhibit the normal signs of injuries. For she has a bigger sickness-in her mind!

Psychosocial trauma is a major problem bedeviling many a young person today.

When Atieno opens up to tell the devastating post exposure experiences after procuring an unsafe abortions, she evokes a deep empathy of what she had to go through and how life would have played out differently.

Sometimes a person may get away with the physical risks of procuring an unsafe abortion, but the psychological scars live forever.

When she got the news that she was pregnant, she thought it was just a funny joke that the body was plying on her.

Yes, she had engaged in unprotected sex with a local village boy but surely she couldn’t have been pregnant. Not at sixteen!

What would people say? What would happen to her now?

She had to get rid of her public source of ridicule!!

But because of poverty and a restrictive legal environment on unsafe abortions in Kenya, Atieno was referred to a quack operating in a dingy corner of Siaya’s sprawling slums.

She was scared, hoping for the best while expecting the worst.

It’s the worst that would happen.

She had never seen so much blood ooze out of a person. The pain was excruciating, searing and unignorable.

Perhaps, her date with the maker was closer than she had imagined.

She ended up going to the back street attendant who managed to stop the bleeding, but permanently tempered with her cervix and womb.

Her pains were later to be compounded with the disappearance of her sugar bear.

But Atieno isn’t alone in all this. Statistics paint a grim picture of the Kenyan youth. Unsafe abortions are so common, yet nobody talks about them.

There is need to address women’s rights issues and the rights of other marginalized population’s including young people.

Many young women die due to unsafe abortions.

The higher costs of treating complications from unsafe abortions pushes women further into greater poverty.

Complications resulting from pregnancy are the leading causes of deaths for young women of ages 15-19 because they lack proper information and access to youth friendly services.

If only young people could have access to information and youth friendly services…..

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There’s something our parliament can do to make young people more than just statistics- they can pass the Reproductive Health Care Bill 2014 and fast track access to information and services by young people.

WHY WE REALLY NEED YOUTH FRIENDLY SERVICES IN USONGA

Why We Really Need Youth Friendly Services in Usonga

I look forward to school holiday because they enable me to visit my grandmother in Usonga but also to interact with other youth from my hometown.

Before I go home my friends usually remind me to carry them condoms, a commodity so precious, yet so rare.

Condoms are probably the cheapest things one can get, especially those ‘yellow’ SURE ones issued by the government, right? Not in Usonga, my home town.(Youths fear being seen going for them in dispensery)

Even the once I carry aren’t enough.

My friend Ogopa decries the state of inadequate access to sexual and reproductive health services including condoms.

“Sometimes we are forced to recycle condoms because we cannot afford to buy condoms every time. Sometimes it’s a choice between food and condoms. It means that after using condoms, I have to rinse it with clean water, apply some oil and store it for yet another session. It’s not just me alone”

Ogopa has never heard of a youth friendly facility, neither are the hospitals accessible, despite the provisions of the national guidelines on provision of youth friendly services.

‘Do I have to walk for long kilometers just to get a condom? Isn’t recycling just easier?”

Whereas they recognize the risks they put themselves through recycling condoms, to them half a loaf (recycling) is better than no bread.

‘Leonard  most of the people think that we are okay and healthy but the truth of the matter is that we the youths of seme are suffering and we have been marginalized.’

Ogopa reminds me that teenage pregnancies in Usonga that was aired by a local radio some time back  was majorly because of limited access to contraceptives.

He is incensed by wastage of public funds by policy makers and little or no investment in youth friendly services.

“Bring us more condoms when you come back but tell our policy makers that we want youth friendly services, not just for condoms but also for other services including family planning methods”
Help LEONARD OTIENO achieve his dreams of having a good Youth Friendly Resource Centre  where we can discuss our health issues, income generating activities, conflict solving , good relationship and Many More

MYTHS/FACTS ABOUT TEENAGE PREGNANCY

AS A TEENAGER, YOU MAY HEAR A LOT OF CONFLICTING
INFORMATION FROM FAMILY, FRIENDS AND EVEN ADULTS
ABOUT HOW PREGNANCYHAPPENS AND HOW TO PREVENT
IT.
That’s why it is important to use a reliable resource to
double-check the information you hear. Here we
separate fact from fiction as we debunk some common
pregnancy myths.
1. MYTH: YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT THE FIRST TIME
YOU HAVE SEX.
FACT: Whether it’s the first time or fiftieth time you
have had sex, your chances of becoming pregnant are
the same. Even if a girl has never had her period,
there is a possibility that she’s about to start her first
cycle. In that case, then she has already ovulated,
which means that an egg is present, and when an egg
and sperm are present, pregnancy can occur.
Fact: Even if a guy hasn’t ejaculated recently, it is
still possible for the girl to get pregnant because some
guys have sperm in their pre-cum.
2. MYTH: GIRLS CAN’T GET PREGNANT DURING THEIR
PERIOD.
FACT: Most girls ovulate in the middle of their cycle on
about day 14 after their period starts, but some
ovulate closer to or during their period. Also it is
important to remember that sperm can survive in the
body for up to seven days. If you ovulate within a
week of having unprotected sex, there is a possibility
you can still become pregnant.
3. MYTH: DOUCHING OR WASHING MY VAGINA OUT AFTER
SEX WILL PREVENT ME FROM GETTING PREGNANT.
FACT: Douching will not prevent pregnancy, but it can
increase the chances of a girl becoming pregnant.
Douching is when a solution of water and some mild
cleanser is used to wash out the vagina. The fluid is
usually in a squeezable bottle with a long tube that can
be inserted into the vagina. The fluid is then pushed
up inside the vagina when the bottle is squeezed. If a
girl douches right after sex, the force of the liquid can
push thesemen further into the girl’s body, increasing
the chance of pregnancy. Douching is in fact not
recommended at all because it can cause infections by
messing with the natural pH balance in the vagina. The
vagina should ideally have a lower pH or be a bit
acidic to protect itself from infection. The vagina
produces small amounts of discharge to clean itself
naturally.
4. MYTH: IF A GUY “PULLS OUT” BEFORE HE
EJACULATES, YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT.
FACT: Once a guy is aroused, he releases pre-
ejaculatory fluid also known as “pre-cum.” Pre-cum
may contain sperm, and it only takes one sperm to
fertilize an egg. It can also be harder for teens to
control their ejaculation and pull out in time, which
increases the risk of ejaculating in the vagina or
getting it on the vaginal opening. “Pulling out” should
not be the only form of birth control that you and
your partner use, especially when there are other
methods that are more effective at preventing
pregnancy. Also, it is important to remember that
pulling out does not protect you from sexually
transmitted diseases (STDs).
5. MYTH: YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT FROM PRE-CUM.
FACT: Pre-cum or pre-ejaculatory fluid is released
when a guy gets an erection. Pre-ejaculatory fluid
cleans out the inside of a guy’s urethra. Pre-cum can
pick up leftover sperm on its way out of the urethra if
a guy ejaculated recently. Even if a guy hasn’t
ejaculated recently, it is still possible for the girl to
get pregnant because some guys have sperm in their
pre-cum.
6. MYTH: YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT IF YOU HAVE SEX
STANDING UP.
FACT: Yes, you can get pregnant this way. No matter
what position you are in, whenever you are
havingvaginal sex, especially without any form of
protection, you are at risk of getting pregnant.
Gravity has no effect on a sperm’s ability to travel
through the vagina, into the uterus, where it can
potentially reach an egg. The truth is that there is no
sex position where you can’t get pregnant.
7. MYTH: HAVING SEX IN WATER— LIKE A POOL OR HOT
TUB— PREVENTS YOU FROM GETTING PREGNANT.
FACT: Whether you are in a bed, underwater or in
space, it is still possible to get pregnant if you are
having unprotected sex. It would be best to use some
form of protection when in a pool or hot tub, such as
a condom. There is some concern that the chemicals in
a pool or hot tub could weaken a condom, but it is
better to use one anyway. A “female” or receptive
condom would be a better option since it’s less likely to
slip out of the body, and it’s made of polyurethane,
which is very durable. You do have to watch out though
because sex in a pool or hot tub can irritate the
genitals, which increases the risk of STDinfection.
8. MYTH: YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT IF YOU DO JUMPING
JACKS AFTER SEX.
FACT: No, semen will not flow down and out of your
vagina because you’re doing jumping jacks. If you
want to prevent a pregnancy, you need to use a
condom during sexual intercourse or be on some kind
of hormonal birth control.
There are a lot of myths about pregnancy—and some
are completely ridiculous. So it is really important to
differentiate between what’s true and what’s false.
You don’t want to assume you won’t get pregnant when
you’re taking a risk and not practicing safer sex. And
you don’t want to panic when you haven’t done
anything that puts you at risk for pregnancy either.
Knowing the facts makes it so much easier to figure
out what you need to do to prevent a pregnancy—if
you decide to have penile-vaginal sex.

VAGINAL DISCHARGE:Types and Signs

Vaginal Discharge: Types and Signs

Vaginal discharge can well be described as the body's mode of communication to you about the goings-on in your reproductive system.

Vaginal discharge is a liquid (and sometimes semi-solid) substance produced by glands in the vagina and cervix. It changes in terms of amount and hue, ranging from very little, to alot, and clear color to milky-whitish, or sometimes even brown.

Anything that changes the normal bacterial content of the fluid, causes changes in its color, thickness and odour.

The fluid serves the important role of cleansing the system, and for the most part, it is normal.

When To Be Worried
Abnormal activity in the vagina can be signalled by a drastic change in the color, and a bad odour, especially when accompanied by some itching.

So now lets briefly look at the common vaginal discharge colors, and what they may signal

BLOODY/ BROWN: 
When accompanied by pelvic pain and vaginal bleeding, this may be a sign of Irregular menses. Less oftenly, it may also be a sign of cervical or endometrial cancer.
It may also be an effect of birth control pills that cause hormonal changes, or an IUD that has been placed badly.

CLOUDY/ YELLOW
when accompanied by bleeding between periods, urinary incontinence (.Involuntary release of urine, or Leaking a small to moderate amount of urine), and pelvic pain, this is symptom of gonorrhea

Frothy, yellow or greenish with a bad smellAccompanied by pain and itching when urinating are a symptom of Trichomoniasis

PINK
is a sign of shedding of the uterine wall, and happens especially after child-birth

Thick, white, cheesy is a symptom of Yeast Infecion.

WHITE, GRAY, OR YELLOW WITH FISHY ODORwith Itching or burning, redness and swelling of the vagina or vulva. Are a symptom of Bacterial Vaginiosis.

TIPS TO PREVENT VAGINAL INFECTIONS

*Keep the vagina clean by washing regularly with a gentle, mild soap and warm water.

*Never use scented soaps and feminine products or douche. Also avoid feminine sprays and bubble baths.

*After going to the bathroom, always wipe from front to back to prevent bacteria from getting into the vagina and causing an infection.

*Wear 100% cotton underpants, and avoid overly tight clothing.

It's my hope that this info will go a long way in helping you keep your reproductive health in tip-top shape and help you diagnose and problems associated with Vaginal Discharge